


Until you tell me that we're done

by BlueGrammar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Armin is older than he's supposed to be, Bottom Armin Arlert, Consensual Sex, Developing Relationship, Erotica, First Time, Firsts, Fluff and Smut, From Sex to Love, Gay, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lemon, Levi Ackerman is a Sex God, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Sexual Abuse, Porn With Plot, Romance, S3ep1, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Yaoi, i wanted to write this so badly, if you know what i mean, it wasn't supposed to be that long but I love it, porn with a bit of plot, sex friends to Lovers, so here we go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29225529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueGrammar/pseuds/BlueGrammar
Summary: Levi needed someone to fill the void that the death of Petra left inside of him. He wasn't looking for love, just for something that would satisfy his needs. Oddly enough, it was Armin who caught his attention.How long would this last? Well, until he'd tell him that they're done.Disclaimer: This is supposed to take place in season 3, but I write Armin as an adult and although I never mention his age I do imagine him being in his early twenties.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Armin Arlert
Comments: 106
Kudos: 126





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks! Just a quick disclaimer to say that I am aware of the huge age gap between Armin and Levi – and yes, it is problematic in some ways or at least, it would need to be tackled – buuuut I didn't feel like tackling it here, so if this bothers you, let's just all collectively ignore it and/or act as if they're closer in age than what they're supposed to be, because I really didn't write this with their age gap in mind. 
> 
> Also, this probably doesn't really fit the timeline of the story, I don't think there was any moments where this story could have taken place, giving that the characters were always into intense story arcs...... But then again that's something that I ignored. Let's just pretend that at some point, the scouts were just all gathered at one place and had nothing special to do and that's where this story could take place xD

After the death of Petra, Levi felt lonelier than he'd like to admit. His relationship with her, although extremely discreet and subtle, had been fulfilling on many levels. Levi felt understood by her, and he understood her as well. What he liked the most about her was that she never asked questions, she never talked when it wasn't needed. She was simply there. As if words were never needed between them, be it when they were fighting titans, having lunch together, or even when he would silently crawl into her room at night, to satisfy needs that they both had but were too shy to admit they had.

Such a bond was so unique that Levi was left truly heart broken and convinced that the hole that she left would never be filled up once again. He had lost so many people before that he was unable to cry it out, but the truth was that everyday ever since she'd left, he was looking for something to fill that void. Something, or someone.

He wasn't looking for something romantic, though, if ''romantic'' was even the right word to put on the relationship he shared with Petra. They weren't just friends, but they weren't lovers. It wasn't just sexual, but it wasn't about true love either. It was somewhere in a grey area that most people avoid, but where Levi felt comfortable. He didn't want a love story. He didn't want a whore. Both of those two things made him want to throw up.

All he needed was someone, someone who would need him as well, someone who he could trust, and who would help with the severe touch starvation that Levi was going through every day of his life.

It was a hopeless case, however, he thought. Nobody else in the Scouts had the same alchemy as Petra. Not to even mention that no one seemed interested in him that way. And if Levi wanted some form of replacement, it had to be through the Scouts, because he had no time to invest anywhere else. The source of relief had to be nearby.

As unexpected as it was, it was Armin who caught the captain's eyes.

Petra used to sit outside to read sometimes, by the doorstep, on the stairs. Of course, she didn't do it anymore now. Yet Levi had an odd feeling, on that morning, that she was there. When he turned around the corner, he saw her, for a split second, sitting there, before he realised who it really was.

''It's you,'' the words blunted out of his mouth even though he would have rather stayed silent.

Armin raised his face towards him, a book laying on his lap. He almost smiled but then seemed to realise that something was wrong.

''Captain Levi, were you looking for somebody else?''

Levi stared at him for a few seconds. It felt like a long time, actually. The air brushed his face, but he didn't even blink. He would have never admitted, but the thought of Petra made his heart beat so fast, and now, he was realising once again that she wasn't there anymore.

''Somebody else indeed,'' he whispered, as he walked away, without any further explanation.

.

.

.

Afterwards, Levi never saw Armin sitting where Petra used to ever again. He didn't know if the blond boy realised his mistake, if somebody told him, or if it was just a coincidence. But sometimes, when he was feeling down, or when he was staring into space, Armin's silhouette reminded him of Petra's. They weren't that similar, but ever since Levi's eyes landed on Armin with the same thoughts he once had for Petra, it felt like it was impossible to go back.

And at this point, Levi was so desperate for some contact that he decided to give in, and to try out something.

He had nothing to lose, after all.

He waited for an opportunity to be alone with Armin, and when the timing was right, Levi decided to make a first step and see how things would go. Armin was putting back books on the shelves and didn't seem to notice Levi's presence at first. But the captain came closer and closer, until he was so near him that Armin had no choice but to turn around and acknowledge his presence. He looked at Levi with those soft blue eyes, and he didn't even seem shocked or frightened when Levi put one of his hands on his hip.

Their bodies were close, but not touching, yet it was clear that this touch wasn't exactly professional. Levi didn't speak straight away, gazing the blue eyes with a certain fascination for the serenity that they were showing. Armin didn't look that confused. If anything, he looked curious, and waited for Levi to speak.

''You never apologized for what you did,'' he said in a low voice.

He was referring to the fact that he blatantly stole Petra's favourite reading spot, but also to the fact that Armin had sparked his interest, which was mildly annoying to him.

Armin didn't look down but seemed slightly remorseful. He moved back a bit, but his back was quick to meet with the bookshelves, so he just stayed there and replied softly: ''I... I thought you wouldn't like it. You're not the type who likes apologies.''

That wasn't the answer he expected. Levi tilted his head a bit. Armin wasn't wrong, he thought. In fact, he would have probably found an apology more embarrassing than anything else.

''Do you think about me a lot?'' he asked, genuinely curious.

''Captain?'' Armin called quietly, his eyes not looking away.

Levi made another step forward and put his other hand on the other boy's face, bellow his chin. Armin's body didn't move, it didn't even shiver, although he looked a bit hesitant.

''If you don't go now,'' Levi said with a low voice, his forehead almost touching Armin's, ''I'll take it as a yes.''

The blond boy stayed still, only his eyes looking down for a second, and then back up. Levi slowly got closer and closer, leaning in for his lips to brush Armin's. He didn't seem scared, didn't give any signal that he was panicked, or needed to back off, therefore Levi went all the way through.

Of course, it wasn't the same thing as with Petra. But Levi didn't hate it and deemed it good enough. Armin's lips were soft and warm, and he liked how his hands felt around his hips. After a few seconds, he moved back a bit and realised that Armin had closed his eyes as well.

Levi looked at him with his usual polar gaze, as cold as ice, as unreadable as fog. He could tell that Armin was calmly yet ardently trying to read his mind to figure out what that meant.

But it meant nothing more than that. Anyone can be touch-starved if they're alone for long enough. Anyone would need that kind of contact, when they feel so desperate. It meant that, and nothing else. Hopefully, Armin would understand without needing any words, because Levi wasn't going to give him any, and left as he came.

.

.

.

''Armin, are you okay? You look a bit pale...''

The blond boy put away the piece of paper he was holding: ''Yeah, I'm just a bit tired I guess,'' he answered Mikasa as he stuffed the note in his pocket.

_**Be in my room for 20:00 after you showered** _

_**Don't turn the lights on** _

No signature, of course, yet there were no doubts about who that letter was from. Armin read the note a few times during the day but ended up ripping it apart and throwing it in the fireplace. It was obvious that Levi didn't want anyone to know about anything that was happening. But... What was happening exactly?

Armin didn't really have time to stop and ponder about that. Daytime was filled with training and all the daily things to care about. When the time came, he showered, and headed as discreetly as possible towards Levi's room. The door wasn't locked. Armin slid in without turning the lights on, as ordered.

When the door opened, a stray of light came onto Armin's legs. Levi's change of expression was barely noticeable, but for a second there, Armin felt like he was almost surprised to see him there. He cared to close the door and lock it before he said anything.

''You came,'' he then stated.

A fainted laughter escaped Armin's throat: ''I won't discuss orders that I'm given by my superior.''

Levi walked towards him, pulling on the clothes around his neck to loosen it.

''This is no order, though,'' he said sharply, ''do you know why you're here?''

Armin's faint smile disappeared. He was sitting on the bed, dressed in his military clothes but without any gears. Levi, standing in front of him, only visible thanks to the moonlight, suddenly appeared as more intimidating than he usually would.

''I...'' Armin started, picking his words carefully, ''let's say I have an idea.''

Levi slowly raised a hand towards Armin's face and pushed away a stripe of hair, brushing his face with his fingertips and nails.

''Knowing your ability to quickly understand any situations, I'm sure you'll figure it out soon, if you haven't already.''

Armin remained calm when Levi came closer. He looked at him in the eyes, without any particular expression on his face, breathing steadily. Only his voice shivered slightly.

''Well I suppose it's... It doesn't have anything to do with love,'' he said slowly.

''No. It really doesn't.''

His fingers dug into Armin’s blond hair, in both a harsh and soft way.

''It's... It's about satisfying a need, isn't it?'' Armin asked again, slowly closing his eyes.

''That's what it's about, yes,'' Levi replied, still with a sharp tone.

''I see,'' Armin said in a fainting voice.

Levi's legs were in between his knees, as he got even closer. Armin opened his eyes and had to raise his head in order to be able to meet Levi's gaze. They stayed silent for a bit, as Levi was bringing his other hand on the other side of his head, grasping his hair in the same strange bittersweet way.

He then softly let go of the blond hair, speaking quietly but clearly:

''The key is on the bedside table if you want to leave.''

Armin opened his mouth, a bit surprised, but words didn't come out, so he simple shook his head.

Levi spoke again, his voice so low that it was barely understandable.

''Do not stay if you don't want this to happen.''

At this point, Levi feared the worse. That Armin would actually ask questions. He hated questions. He never wanted to answer them. They were embarrassing. He would have rather that Armin would storm out of the room throwing up. But that didn't happen.

''I thought this through, I'm ready for it to happen.''

Those words surprised Levi more than he would ever admit. To think that with so little interactions, Armin had already figured out the vague interest that Levi had in him, and with that, that he was actually willing to...

It made no sense.

But Levi didn't like to think when he was in the bedroom, so he shut it down.

''Please, don't stay if you don't want if you don't want this to happen,'' he murmured again.

It was his only way of showing some compassion, through the negative words, the negative sentences, but it wasn't like he was able to word his thoughts in any other way. It wasn't like he was able to actually be reassuring, and loving, and caring, like people are when they're about to have sex. He just couldn't. Because of this, he almost felt sorry for his partner.

He went in for a kiss, pushing one of his knees onto the mattress, next to Armin, and the next thing he knew, they were actually making out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd pop a little "warning' - the whole chapter is basically a sex scene ;)

Levi's mind went blank. Armin's movements were a bit hesitant, but they felt good. It felt good to be touched, to feel the thin fingers on his arms, on his back, on his neck. It sent shivers down his spine, and he was sure that the feeling was somewhat similar to what drugs would make you feel like. It had to be.

And they were still only kissing. Levi could only anticipate how divine everything else would feel. Oh, how he missed sex, there were no words to express it. Being touched, touching someone, hearing their breath changing as they reacted to what was happening... He moved back to reach Armin's neck and kissed it, making his way down to the shoulders. Armin let out a few fainted moans, his hands lost in Levi's hair.

Levi proceeded to undo the buttons of Armin's shirt and expose his pale skin to the moonlight. He then stopped for a second, checking on Armin's face. The blond boy seemed to be in a similar haze as Levi. Good. That's how things should be. If Levi had doubts about Armin's willingness to participate, they were now gone. Especially when, after a few moments, Armin reached out to Levi's clothes as well.

They kept on kissing, almost passionately. Levi hadn't felt such excitement when they first kissed, it was something different now. In fact, he had never particularly liked kisses, but this really felt like something else. Maybe it was because he'd been starving for contact. He'd be waiting for something like that for weeks, after all. And finally, Armin was shyly brushing his crotch with his fingers. Without any hesitation, Levi grabbed his hand and moved it right where he wanted it to be.

His penis was already quite hard and formed a bulge in his trousers. As soon as Armin's hand laid on it, Levi breathed more loudly than he would have wanted to. He was usually not that expressive, but then again, he blamed it on the fact that he'd been waiting for this for a while now. He took his hand away and let Armin touch him as he wished. His moves were less hesitant than before, maybe he was encouraged by the look on Levi's face, his red cheeks, and the unusual hunger perceptible in his eyes.

Levi went back to kissing as much of Armin's body as he could – who would have guessed he'd be that type of lover. His fingers slyly made their ways to the other boy's belt and he was quick to undo it and remove it, along with his pants.

Levi was glad to see that Armin was enjoying it as much as him, judging by the bulge he was now facing. His own erection was still trapped in his clothes, but Levi didn't seem to care, and looked at Armin in the eyes as he slowly pulled down his underwear. Armin had been laying down on his back the whole but seeing as Levi was now getting up and stepping away, he sat up for a second and put his legs back together, feeling quite vulnerable.

To his surprise, Levi grabbed a huge, fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and put it behind Armin. The blond boy looked at it a bit confused; he had no idea Levi would care about something like that. But when the captain gently pushed him back onto the pillow he understood. The position worked better now that Armin could look down at what was happening.

His heart skipped a bit when Levi kneeled down in front of him, his eyes locked in with the blue iris. He placed his hands on each side of Armin's body but didn't say anything nor tried to open Armin's legs. Instead, he waited for it to happen.

Something about Levi's gaze was so intense and full of desire that Armin couldn't help but feel his cheeks burning. He had to focus on his breath to keep things under control as he slowly spread his legs apart.

After all, that's why he was here, wasn't it? He knew that from the beginning. So why was his heart beating so fast?

Armin bit his lips as Levi's hands came near his crotch, by each thigh. So good so far. But then, Levi's face kept moving closer and closer to his hardened penis, which sent some kind of signal through his brain. That just didn't feel right. Levi's lips were so close to...

Suddenly, Armin jumped a bit.

''Captain L-...''

He stopped himself before finishing his sentence, because Levi moved away with a sharp move, staring at him with a neutral expression on his face. Armin, on the other hand, felt a bit shaken. It was the first words he'd pronounced and without quite knowing why, he felt like it was a bad thing.

''I'm sorry, this is not something I'm willing to do,'' he whispered, hoping that Levi would understand.

Armin didn't want it to stop, it was just that particular thing that he didn't want to do, but maybe that would mean that Levi wouldn't be interested anymore. For a split second, Armin really thought that he angered the other guy, but Levi quickly came closer and muttered near his face: ''What about hands?''

It only took a few seconds for Armin to nod back. Quickly after that, a hand was wrapped around his own hand and going down between his legs. A moan of pleasure escaped his throat as they were both touching him at the same time, stroking, teasing and caressing.

The room was dark, but a stray of moonlight lit Levi's face for a second, before he came down for a kiss on the lips. That one lasted longer than the others, to the point that Armin was out of breath. When he was done, Levi moved his face to the side, so he couldn't see his eyes anymore.

''Anything else is off limits?'' Levi murmured.

The question got Armin thinking for a bit. It didn’t help that he could hardly focus with what was happening.

''I don't know yet,'' he replied honestly, ''This is all new.''

For a moment there, Armin was afraid that he broke the mood again, but when Levi moved away, he simply wiped the corner of his mouth and looked at him with the same, serious look that he always had. He grabbed a bottle from the nightstand, which Armin suspected was lube. His theory was confirmed when the bottle was opened and thick liquid dripped onto Levi's right index and middle fingers, and he went back to his kneeling position.

Levi looked at him with eyes that screamed ''What about this? Is this off limits?'', and moreover, the slow movements of the captain added onto this: ''If this off limits, you have to stop me now.''

Armin didn't stop him. He waited patiently, with curious eyes. Levi finally looked down on his entrance, which made Armin feel both shy and vulnerable, but he tried to stay as calm as possible. Obviously, it wasn't the first time that Captain Levi was looking at somebody's intimate parts.

Armin almost bit his tongue with surprise when the cold fingers came to brush his butthole, covering it in lube with circular motions. He didn't expect it, but that sensation immediately made him feel good, to the point that his erection hardened even more.

Levi's hand on his thigh pushed his legs open a bit more and he knew he had to relax as much as possible for what was about to happen. Slowly, Levi pressed his index finger against the entrance and penetrated him. The lube must have helped, because there was barely any resistance and his finger slid in quickly until it was fully buried in the tight hole.

Armin let out a sharp, surprised gasp, followed by an immediate moan of pleasure, his head falling backwards.

''Dear Maria,'' he whispered in pleasure, which gave Levi a slight, satisfied smile.

His little method worked: he aimed directly for the prostate, hoping that this would result in more pleasure than pain. The ease in which his finger got inside made Levi doubt that he was Armin's first partner, although he couldn't tell for sure.

''Great, that'll simplify things,'' he thought to himself. After all, he couldn't expect a virgin to fully perform on the very first intercourse. But if Armin were experienced, then it would have been another story. Levi could barely form another thought at this point: all he wanted was to replace his finger with his penis.

He didn't even care about getting oral sex or other kinds of foreplays. And Armin seemed to enjoy himself so far, so maybe it was the right time. Levi therefore stepped back and undid his belt, took it off, open his trousers... But then something stopped him.

Armin was staring at him with a confused look.

Instead of asking what was wrong, Levi froze. Armin quickly realised that it was up to him to say something, or else they would just stay stuck like that.

''Do you intend to go all the way through?'' he asked quite bluntly, not knowing how to word it in any other ways.

Levi replied with a vague shrug movement, looking almost jaded, and not seeming to see where the issue was. Armin gulped nervously, uncertain of how he should tackle the situation. Levi seemed very impatient and eager to speed things up, whereas for Armin...

''It's just that, um...'' he said nervously, ''it's my first time and I'm afraid it would be too much...''

Levi blinked, looking at him with almost dismissive eyes.

''Is it?'' he questioned sharply.

''I've never been with anyone,'' Armin clarified, shaking his head.

Levi's cold voice resonated in the room: ''You did not feel like a virgin down there...''

''Oh... Well, that's embarrassing actually,'' Armin quickly said, blushing, ''I think that's because I sometimes use my fingers down there...'' He then looked away and brought one of his fingers near his lips, looking shy, he added while taking a breath: ''It makes me feel good...''

To say that Levi was surprised would have been an understatement.

His eyes widened and in the next split second, he literally came in his pants. His muscles tensed, his fingers tightened around the bed sheets, and he lowered his head and couldn't hold a few grunts with every spasm that went through his body.

He definitely hadn't expected Armin's confession to seem so hot.

When he was fully done, he let out a sigh and sat next to Armin. Although he didn't say anything, Armin instantly deduced that Levi was not happy about messing himself up. He was also quite confused as to why he actually came just now, when nothing special had happened. Could this possibly be because of what he said? Was that a good or a bad thing? Did Levi feel embarrassed or was he alright?

Despite all those questions, nothing came out of Armin's mouth. He shivered when Levi moved his head and looked down at Armin's crotch. His legs were closed together, and it was clear that the excitement was gone, as he'd become soft.

He instinctively felt the need to apologize, although it was probably a bad idea, he couldn't help it.

''Sorry,'' he whispered, ''I got a bit shaken up...''

But Levi just shrugged. He quickly got up and headed towards his private bathroom.

"We're done,'' he said just before closing the door. ''Rejoin your dormitory, now."

Armin nodded, although Levi was already gone. When he moved to get up, his legs felt weaker than he expected. He got dressed quickly, in the dark, as water running from the other room could be heard. Just before he opened the door to leave, Armin paused for a bit. He waited to see if Levi would say anything whether it was to come tomorrow at the same time, or to not mention this to anyone. But Levi stayed silent. Armin opened the door and quickly left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the reviews on the first chapter, I'm happy to see I'm not the only one excited about this story! I'm actually really hyped for what's coming, I hope you enjoyed that too!


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Armin woke up tired. He only stayed up for one hour or so, but it seemed to have an impact, still. Waking up at dawn was not his favourite part of military training, but today was worse. He felt like a zombie, doing every move so mechanically: brushing his teeth, waking Eren up, getting dressed, waking Eren up again, putting his gears on, scolding Eren for not getting up yet, etc...

He pushed the memories of the previous night as far as he could. But the truth is, it was there no matter what. Even if he wasn't thinking about it, he was just in a weird mood. It felt like he finally had a chance of being physically involved with someone and blew it. He was convinced that if Levi didn't ask him to come back, it was because he disliked what happened, and Armin was worried that things would be awkward from now on.

But during the afternoon, right after his working out session, Armin went to the dormitory to get a book from his bag, and something about his beddings caught his attention. The pillow was messy. Not in a way that it should be.

Not that Armin had OCDs – he was still very far from Levi's level – but something about it didn't feel right. He grabbed the fluffy cushion and noticed a piece of paper hidden bellow the cotton pillowcase.

**Tonight at 21:00**

**Same thing as last time**

Armin stared at the note for a while. Levi had been near him all morning long, when did he have the time to come here and hide that? What if he never came for the book, he would have never found it? Why 9pm? And how on earth did Levi know where Armin slept!

All the questions were tossed aside when the excitement built up in his chest. So, he wasn't such a bad partner after all? He was getting another chance?

.

.

.

Armin checked if no one was in the corridor before making his way to Levi's room. The path was empty, just like the previous day. Was Levi deliberately doing something so that no one would be in Armin's way when he'd sneak into his bedroom? That was a possibility.

He was unsure how bad sleeping with a superior was considered. The rules were a bit blurry when it came to internal relationships in the Military Corps, but he could instinctively tell that some were more acceptable than others. If he'd get, he'd possibly be in a lot of trouble. And so would Levi. Yet, here he was, sitting on the bed, silently waiting.

When the door opened and the same stray of light as the previous night lit up the floor, Armin felt his heart beating faster. Dark cold ice eyes met with his, before Levi turned his back to him to lock the door, without a word. This made Armin tensed. He waited for some words – anything, even just greetings. All he could do was sit there, his arm between his knees, almost like a frightened deer caught in hunters' lights.

''I almost missed the note,'' Armin murmured, when Levi was close enough.

''But you're here,'' was all that the captain responded before leaning in for their lips to meet.

Armin's eyes closed instantly. The hand on his neck and Levi's scent of lavender and black tea sent shivers down his spine. He smelt so good, his lips were so warm and his touch was so divine that Armin felt every single of his muscles relaxing. He was slowly falling on his back, Levi following his moves by getting on top of him.

How could a simple kiss make him feel so good? Armin wanted this to last for ever. For the first time today, his brain wasn't thinking anymore, it was on a break and it felt damn good.

Levi was the same passionate kisser as the day before. With one hand, he reached his own neck to loosen his clothes. Armin could see him a bit better than the previous night. The sky must have been less cloudy. He could see his skin clearly, along with a myriad of little scars and bruises. Levi wasn't losing any time and was already getting undressed. Armin mimicked him with his own clothes, eager to go back to where they were the day before. He was quick to remove everything he was wearing and was even done before Levi.

''We're in no hurry,'' Levi stated with a cold tone.

''I just can't wait to feel good again,'' Armin murmured in a soft voice.

It was barely perceptible, but he noticed the glow in Levi's eyes. If he hadn’t been fully hard yet, he probably was now, just as Armin intended. He praised himself for being able to quickly come up with something hot to say, that was his way of making up for the previous night. Eager to speed things up, Armin moved forward and helped Levi out of his last bit of clothes, before caressing his chest briefly and making his way down to his penis.

The contact made by his manhood against the other boy's fingers made Levi shiver. Although he didn't show any other kind of reaction whatsoever, he spread his legs slightly and reached for Armin's crotch as well, sliding his hands all over the thighs and slightly towards his butt. They both made the same movements for their lips to meet, bringing their bodies closer, as they were both sitting on the bed.

Levi's hand caressed the ass cheek delicately – or at least not firmly enough to Armin's liking – and then moved up on his back.  _''This isn't the way it's supposed to go,''_ Armin thought to himself, a bit disappointed. He reached for Levi's arm and brought it back down there, covering his hand with his own to encourage Levi to grab it fully.

He didn't expect Levi to break the kiss and look at him in the eyes.

''What's with you tonight?'' he said sharply, almost with his usual 'captain' tone that he put up when directing his troops.

The question took Armin by surprise. He looked down, as Levi's hand was getting out of his own hand. ''Oh... You don't like it?'' he said, embarrassed.

Levi shook his head and raised one hand towards Armin's face. Without exactly grabbing his chin, he pushed the boy's face up so that their eyes could meet.

''Are you trying to prove something?''

Armin couldn't resolve himself to stare into the dark eyes. He looked down in guilt.

''It's just that... Yesterday...''

''Don't think about yesterday,'' Levi stopped him, cupping his face in his hands. ''Focus on right here, right now. Understood?''

Before he could reply, Armin's lips were caught in a kiss, and he was wrapping his arms around Levi's shoulders. They kissed like that for a while, sometimes using tongue, sometimes touching each other, moaning as discreetly as possible...

''Captain,'' Armin whispered between two kisses, unsure if he should use this title, but uncomfortable at the thought of simply calling him Levi, ''if you wish... I'd like to... I...''

Armin was at a loss of words when expressing what he truly wanted. He stuttered for a while, looking away.

''Spit it out, Arlet,'' Levi said, crossing his arms impatiently.

''I want you to have anal sex with me,'' he finally blurted out, cheeks red, looking down with eyes hidden by his blond hair.

Because he was staring at his knees, he didn't see Levi's eyes slightly widening as confusion was spreading on his face. They both stayed silent for a few, long seconds.

''I-I mean,'' Armin tried to clarify, ''I want to try, I don't know if we can fully do it just yet but-...''

''I was going to go easy on you tonight but if you insist...''

Armin looked back up at Levi's face. His expression looked neutral. Not angry, not disgusted, but not particularly happy either. Just Levi's face as it always was.

''Well I still want you to go easy on me,'' Armin mumbled a bit shyly.

He didn't have time to add anything else, Levi was already pushing him so that the upper part of his body would lay on the pillows, his hand reaching for bottle of lube in the drawer. The simple view of the liquid dripping on Levi's fingers made his cock twitch. A drop of lube splashed on Armin's pale skin as Levi fingers were going right between his leg.

Levi leaned in for a kiss and Armin's hands naturally fell on his shoulder. As the sweet tongue made his way inside of his mouth, he felt the tip of one finger penetrating him with ease. The finger went deeper and deeper until it met with the bulge of nerves and gently pushed against it. Armin almost lost it at that moment. The pleasure radiated in his whole hips, and for a second there, he swore he couldn't feel his legs anymore.

''Keep it quiet,'' Levi ordered.

Had he made a noise? Armin wasn't even sure. He put his arms around Levi's shoulders and pressed their bodies together, barely holding back a sigh of pleasure.

''You make me feel so good,'' he slowly whispered, breathless. The next second, he was seeing more stars. Levi was good with his finger. Armin could have sold his soul to the devil to get more of this feeling. However, he felt a slight discomfort when another finger was pushed inside of him, but the pleasure quickly overtook the pain. He was glad that Levi wasn't touching his penis because he knew that he could cum soon otherwise, and he wanted to stay hard for what was yet to arrive.

''Captain,'' he called, – then again, the title felt weird, but he had no other options – ''let's try it?''

Levi gave no answer. Armin's head felt so light that he had trouble processing what was going, but he tried to pull himself together. When he looked down at Levi, he saw that the captain's expression was the same as always. He was staring back at Armin, mouth slightly open, his wet fingers placed on a random towel.

Armin interpreted that as hesitation. For one reason or another, Levi didn't want to voice his concerns. It didn't matter, Armin thought. He rolled over to lay on his belly, hugging a pillow, before glancing quickly to see Levi's throbbing cock. He then placed his hands on both butt cheeks and spread them just a bit.

''Go ahead...'' he indulged.

For a second there, he could clearly tell that Levi was hesitant. He probably didn't expect anything like that.

''I'll tell you if it hurts,'' Armin encouraged again, whispering against the pillow, ''just go slow enough...''

Within the next second, he felt Levi's manhood lining up with his entrance, which definitely confirmed his theory that he was waiting for some kind of confirmation from Armin's side, but couldn't ask. He spread his cheeks a bit more, feeling Levi's firm grip on his hip. The tip of his penis felt huge against his entrance, but he tried to brush his worries away.

He felt it pushing against his anus, with what felt like quite a lot of strength, yet penetration wasn't happening. After a few seconds, Levi stopped pushing for a bit, and then he tried again.

Armin risked a question: ''Am I clenching without realising?''

To which Levi replied in a chill tone, oddly enough: ''Nah, you're fine. Just give it a couple minutes, it's gonna loosen up.''

Levi was right. After a bit more of this, the tip finally got in. Levi let out a sigh of pleasure, while Armin hissed in pain. It was not as bad as he anticipated but the feeling was somehow unexpected, nothing like what he'd feel before. He wished he would have been given a few seconds to adjust, but Levi was already slowly pushing farther.

Armin tried to forget the pain by holding onto the bed sheets. He was debating whether he was already at his limits, and if he should say that it was just too much, but Levi seemed to realise what was going on because he immediately stopped.

''Take deep breaths.''

Armin nodded, moving his body slightly, trying to accept the new feeling. His hands went back to hugging his pillow and for a few moments, he was just focussing on his breathing. When Levi made another attempt to get deeper inside of him, Armin hissed in pain again, making Levi stop. But even when he wasn't moving, the feeling of being stretched that wide made Armin doubt that he could bear with it. It was burning and stinging more and more as the seconds went by.

Armin internally took notes:  _sex observation #6: Dicks feel bigger than they look._

''Are you fully in?'' he asked with a low voice.

Levi replied immediately: ''Halfway there.''

It took Armin another few seconds to reach to a conclusion.

''I don't think I can take you fully just yet.''

Levi simply nodded: ''Do you want it out?''

He didn't have to wait for an answer because things happened naturally: Armin's hand reached for the manhood and was guiding him outside. Levi's penis almost popped out unexpectedly, making Armin moan in pain once again.

''Ah dammit,'' Levi swore between his teeth, ''it's not supposed to be that painful. Are you okay?''

Armin let out another, quieter moan of discomfort, his hand going down his butt. Levi's question sent butterflies flying in his stomach – it was rare for Levi to care about anybody's physical health, so it somehow gave him a feeling that he was special.

''I hope so,'' he whispered.

Levi pushed his hand away and then, with a firm move, he grabbed one butt cheek and spread it, glancing down for a few seconds.

''Looks alright,'' he said, ''it's probably just sore.''

He couldn't see Armin's face as it was buried in the pillow, but the blond boy had wide-open eyes and was blushing more than ever. His fragmented thoughts were along those lines:  _''The captain... Just... Looked at my butthole... To check if I was injured...I don't know... If I'm cursed... Or if I'm blessed...''_

Levi's hand was then put on his back, right above his butt, with a shimmery glow in his eyes that said:  _''Now I'll be the one in charge''_

Armin didn't feel like he was given a choice this time. Levi grabbed both his hips and turned him around like he was a rag doll. At this point, Armin couldn't talk anymore and didn't want to talk anymore. He couldn't believe that he made sex start and stop. What was Levi thinking of him right now?

He couldn't come up with an answer. Levi's behaviour was impossible to read. He couldn't figure what was going on in that mind, behind those dark, polar irises that were staring at him almost all the time. He almost felt like a prey when Levi slowly crawled back over him so that their bodies were against each other and they could kiss. He spread Armin's legs in the process so that he could lay in between them and have their crotch rubbing. Levi hadn't lost any of his hardness and was rocking back and forth slowly.

For a few minutes, Armin was too dazed to do anything. He was just lying there, making quiet noises from time to time and trying to not get overwhelmed by Levi's intense stare. He felt goose bumps on his skin when the captain finally looked somewhere else and took his hand to kiss it gently. How could he feel so tender, yet so cold? So intimidating, yet so trustable?

Armin finally moved his hand to slide it in between their bodies and reach for that one place. His fingers delicately wrapped themselves around Levi's cock and caressed it.

''Please... Let me do it for you,'' he whispered, looking back into the cold eyes.

Levi must have been on the verge of climaxing for a while, because right after Armin said those words, he was actually cumming. His breathing became hasty, and he quickly put his own hand over Armin's finger to force him to stay in place – probably so his semen wouldn't get all over the place. His whole body shivered and he buried his face in the blond boy's neck. He came without a noise, except for the one of his breathing.

After that, the captain was quick to pull himself together. Armin seemed to be more startled than he was. A towel was quickly thrown on his chest, so that he could clean the mess in the palm of his hand. Levi went to his bathroom but was back within a few seconds.

''What are you doing?'' he said, looking down at the other boy, who had sat on the bed. ''Get back in your position.''

Armin felt really hesitant at that moment. He knew he was there for Levi's pleasure, but it felt odd for him to expect anything in return. It was one thing to get off during sex, but it was another one to have the captain selflessly touching him. He kept his legs close for a bit, and when Levi sat in front of him and caressed his knees, he felt a bit nervous.

Levi didn't say anything for a while, caressing the thighs. His fingers went down to the other boy's bottom again, and seeing that Armin wasn't moving, Levi grabbed one of his wrists to guide it to his penis, inviting him to masturbate himself. Once Armin's hand was stroking his own manhood, Levi seemed more satisfied. He looked down at his crotch for a bit, sometimes moving his hand on top of Armin, sometimes stroking the thighs or squeezing some parts of his body. The tension in Armin's hips quickly built up back and he was starting to really appreciate Levi's stare on him.

After a few more minutes of this, one of Levi's finger brushed the entrance. It wasn't lubed but he wasn't going to penetrate him anyway, he simply pushed a bit with a firm grip and seemed to be in deep thoughts. After a while, he said with a quiet voice: ''You liked my fingers. Maybe we should stick to what makes you feel good.''

Armin's thoughts could only form a cloudy assemblage of words  _''Captain Levi wants me to feel good''_ and within the next moments, he actually climaxed in his own hand. His back arched and his head buried into the pillow, his toes were curled, and all of his muscles were tensed. He managed to climax without being too noisy as well, but once it was over, he felt like all of his energy had left his body. He looked up in confusion.

Levi seemed surprised as well.

''So you're that type, uh?''

Armin had no idea what the meaning was behind those words. All he knew was that Levi was staring at him intensely and that his hand was sticky with cum. The towel was handed to him again. He felt like he was floating inside. Like the usual afterglow that he had after masturbating, but stronger.

When he felt ready, he sat down. He was going to say that he loved it, he loved everything about what had just happened and that he was happy to be able to be with Levi, right there and right now.

He opened his mouth, but Levi reacted with a speed that was barely describable. Before any sounds could come off of his throat, Levi's fingertips were gently but firmly pressed against his lips, and Armin could only blink in disbelief.  
  
"You're smart," Levi said sharply, "way too smart to say those foolish words."

Armin quickly pulled himself together and nodded.  
  
That's right. No proof of affection. That's not what they were in for. He almost forgot.

''We're done for this time,'' Levi said before stretching, ''go back to your dormitory.''

Something in Levi's words made Armin's chest lit up with joy.  _''This time''_ ... So there would be other times. There would be other chances. Other opportunities to be worth being chosen by Levi.

A lot of potential sentences went through Armin's mind at that moment.

_''I'll do better next time.''_

_''I hope you enjoyed it.''_

_''I liked it, even if we couldn't go all the way just yet.''_

But then again, he knew it was a bad idea to say those things. For Armin who viewed words and dialogues as the base of everything, this was challenging. So he kept his mouth shut, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you guys, but I watched the anime dubbed, and I just can't get over the fact that ''Heichou '' sounds about 435454248 times cuter than ''captain'', so just you know that everytime I write ''captain'' down, I actually read it as ''heichou'' LOL 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading that, stay tuned for more!


	4. Chapter 4

Armin quickly realised that Levi didn't like to talk. It was something that he already knew, of course, but he was now experimenting it in a new way. Levi didn't like to talk anymore in the bedroom than he did in everyday life.

But when it comes to sex, lack of words can become problematic.

It was clear that Levi did not mean any harm. Armin trusted him with his life. And even if he never asked himself that question before, the answer was crystal clear; he also trusted him on a sexual level. Levi was not as selfish as he looked, he obviously cared. Just... Not in a very noticeable way.

He was never going to take a moment after sex to ask what had been good about it, what could be improved, what he liked and disliked... There wasn't going to be any sort of feedback, whatsoever. Which meant that Armin could simply not allow himself to be shy, as he sometimes was, he was going to have to focus a lot, and not rely on words to draw conclusions or even to make his partner understand something. He had to be careful to what he was saying, especially in those moments, or else, he could just blow everything up.

For a huge part of the next day, Armin paid attention to everything, wondering if he'd find another note. The morning went by and he'd found nothing. Maybe three days in a row was too much?

The usual program was cleaning in the morning and training during the afternoon, pretty much every day. There is little rest for the soldiers. Today was all about horses. They had to be taken care of, exercised, and so on. As Armin was walking with his horse, he felt like Levi was observing him more than usual. He turned his head towards the horse to see if something was wrong. Raven looked just fine. When Armin got to the part where he actually had to get on the horse, he understood.

He'd put his foot in the stirrup, his leg swinging to the other side and then, he felt it. The pain spread in his hips, making him involuntarily frown. The saddle, coupled to the position he was in, was emphasising the soreness in the lower part of his body, which was otherwise quite bearable. He looked back towards Levi, but the captain was already leaving.

So that's what it was. He was waiting to see if Armin was ready for sex just yet.

Armin tried to put most of the weight on his feet so that his butt wasn't quite resting on the saddle and then headed towards Eren's direction. He did a bit of the way with him and Mikasa and then drifted away without being noticed.

After a while, Armin gave up and just got off of the horse. Walking was better anyway. Normally he should have followed the same path as the others, more or less. Sasha and Connie liked to race - they might have been back already. But Armin would rather not be on their way, as it would have been weird to see him walking rather than riding his horse.

He tried to let Raven decide where to go, to see if she'd pick a way, but after thirty minutes, the horse had made them wander deep into the forest. She went close to a river and gulped some water. At that point, Armin was sure he was alone with his horse, but something startled him.

''Did you get lost, cadet?''

''Captain!'' Armin jumped. He turned around and there he was, Levi, looking at him from above. He was riding a horse, and it was a mystery how he could sneak so close without being heard. He was actually really intimidating and not only because he was a lot taller than Armin at that very moment; everything about him felt noble and magnificent, especially with the sunlight spreading out around his silhouette. It took a few seconds to Armin to properly reply: ''I'm not lost I just... I'd rather walk.''

Levi's irises quickly moved left and right, his face staying still. Without moving, anything else, his eyes went down back on Armin.

''Is the pain that bad?''

''No it's not,'' Armin said as quietly as he could – it was actually surprising that Levi could hear him at all – ''the saddle just makes it really uncomfortable.''

Levi's horse tip-tapped its feet on the floor, visibly impatient. Because of that, Levi's body moved and Armin had no idea if that was voluntary, but Levi's shoulders swung in a way that made him look condescending. He pulled on the reins slightly and the horse calmed down. Since he remained silent, Armin felt the need to clarify if anything was wrong.

''Is it okay for me to walk?'' he asked.

Levi shrugged: ''You do as you prefer.''

After that, he left without even a goodbye.

_''What was that,''_ Armin thought to himself. He wasn't sure why Levi came to check on him like that, if he'd already know that he was in pain just from observing him earlier. It made no sense. But then again, Levi was hard to read and lots of things that he did made Armin confused.

He was vigilant for the rest of the day but found no notes.

.

.

.

Four days passed and Armin slowly lost all hopes to ever be in the captain's room again. It almost felt like it had all been a dream. Levi didn't talk to him much during daytime, and when he did, he was as cold as cold can be. Not that this was unusual or unexpected, but it reinforced the feeling that nothing ever happened and that it was all made up in the blond’s mind.

That's why when he found a new note, he was suddenly anxious. Four days had felt like an eternity, Armin wasn't even sure that he was wanted at all. He sneaked into Levi's room at the given time, his hair still wet from the shower he'd had. He made sure to scrub every part of his body thoroughly, knowing how important that was to Levi.

When the captain came, Armin was sitting on the same spot as usual, quiet and ready, but also nervous.

Levi had a quick look at him and then turned around to lock the door and headed to the sink in the bathroom. Armin waited patiently, hoping for some sort of signal, a confirmation that he was wanted and expected or anything! Anything that would make Levi look less mysterious, and more human-like. But nothing about him was readable. Even when the captain finally landed his eyes on the blonde boy and walked towards him, it was impossible for Armin to figure out what was going to happen, or what to expect exactly. His heart skipped a beat when Levi suddenly took a turn and went towards the night stand. He hadn't even noticed that there was a cup there. Levi took a quick sip, holding the cup with his fingertips. He then put the cup down and swallowed, quickly liking his lips.

At this point, Armin couldn't have been any more confused. He was looking for something to say to try and make the situation less tense for him but knowing how quickly Levi could be irritated by words, it probably wasn't a good idea. So he sat still and tried to remain as calm as possible when Levi gently grabbed his chin. He expected his face to be moved forward for a kiss, but instead, Levi's fingers slowly moved down so that his thumb was resting on his chin, but his index and middle finger went onto that particular spot of his neck, on the side of the windpipe.

The carotid artery. Armin blinked a few times but complied when he felt the fingers digging into his skin quite roughly, until they settled down. There was no doubts about what Levi was doing; he was looking for a pulse. But why? Armin looked over at him in confusion. Fifteen seconds went by and the fingers were removed.

''How much..?'' Armin asked in a quiet voice.

''Way too high,'' Levi said coldly, ''what's the matter?''

It was rare for Levi to ask questions, therefore Armin wasn't used to having to think of answers. He thought his words through carefully, but couldn't manage to say anything. After long seconds of silence, Levi finally spoke again.

''Do you want to leave?''

Oh so that's what it was? Was Levi that worried about him not wanting to have sex? Did he think Armin was forcing himself to show up because he was his superior?

He shook his head. No. No he didn't want to leave. He waited so long to be back so no, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to say those words so badly but he didn't, because there was no way that this wouldn't come out as cheesy. So instead, he pulled on Levi's arms to have him lean over and kiss him.

Where did Levi learn to be such a great kisser? Armin wondered briefly as Levi's tongue was making his way between his lips. He pushed Armin further up on the bed, almost aggressively. His hands wandered around the blond boy's thighs, making him sigh with pleasure. The hand went back up and under his shirt. Soon after that, Armin felt Levi's fingers slowly brushing his skin closer and closer to his nipples, which immediately made him shiver.

Without hurrying, Levi moved his hand so that his fingertips could gently brush his nipples. Armin bit his lip, holding back a moan. When their eyes met, he could tell that Levi was trying to determine if this was pleasurable for him or not.

Without any hesitation, Armin whispered: "You can do anything you want with me.'' He then added quietly: ''Well you know... Apart from that one thing," referring to oral sex, which still made him uncomfortable.

Levi raised his eyebrows and asked with a playful yet threatening tone: "Anything ?  _Are you sure of that?"_   
  
"Uh..."  
  
Armin's gaze zoned out for a bit as he was thinking of what Levi could possibly want to do that he wouldn't be okay with. And that resulted in loads of images and words all dirtier than the previous one. And not exactly in a sexy way.   
  
"I really wonder what kind of things are being imagined in that head of yours right now."

Armin replied mechanically, and rather quickly, not really realising that he was voicing his thoughts: "The average length is about 5 centimetres but considering how stretched it can get I suppose that technically the whole fist could fit in and maybe even a part of the arm, but it probably wouldn't be pleasant."

Levi's eyes widened as he froze for a second.

"... Are you messing up with me?" he asked in disbelief.

Armin suddenly realised what he'd just say and looked away, embarrassed. He didn't mean to say it, but he just couldn't stop his brain from picturing the worst scenarios.  
  
"Oh  _dear Maria_ , you were really thinking of it," Levi said, raising a hand over his mouth.

Armin stared at Levi with surprised. Although he was still feeling really embarrassed he couldn't help but looking at Levi with curious eyes, as the captain was obviously trying to repress a laughter. This was such a rare view, actually Armin didn't recall ever hearing his laugh at all. Levi looked down and finally removed his hand from his face, revealing a faint smile.

"Where did you even hear of things like that?'' he said with a light chuckle. ''That's actually slightly concerning."

Armin shrugged.

''Probably from Ymir or something,'' he muttered, zoning out again.

''Stop thinking so much,'' Levi ordered as he went back to kissing him.

Armin felt tempted to protest because the only reason he was thinking in the first place was that Levi asked him a question, but his mouth was too busy to say anything. They made out for a while, until they were both panting and feeling tight in their clothes. Armin found himself lost in Levi's scent and didn't even realise that he was carefully being undressed.

It wasn't long before both of their trousers and underwear were off. Levi kept on teasing Armin's nipples under his shirt while Armin had his hands in the other boy's hair, moaning as quietly as he could. He guided Levi's hands in between their legs himself, eager to continue where they stopped last time. He wasn't sure if Levi wanted to, so he didn't say anything, but the captain seemed to go with it anyway.

He took the lube out of the drawer and let it drip over his fingers. As he inserted his fingers inside of him, Armin was trying as best as he could to not lose his mind and to remain quiet. So far, this had been the best part of sex with Levi. Being fingered was amazing. Or at least it was a lot better than what he expected. He was practically panting when Levi laid on top of him and kissed him with desire.

Armin was so overwhelmed that he didn't even realise that Levi was about to penetrate him. When the tip slid inside of him, he yelped in surprise. Levi held him down and pushed a bit farther, breathing loudly.

Contrary to what Armin previously thought, he instinctively felt that Levi was fully inside of him, so this time, he didn't need to ask. He let out a gasp, trying to adjust to the new feeling. He could feel the hard dick inside of him rubbing against the sweet spot, which gave him a mix of pleasure coupled to light pain.

He moved his body slightly to find a position that'd be more comfortable. Instinctively, Levi moved as well. All the rubbing inside of him made him moan with a mix of pleasure and pain, and Levi didn't seem to be able to stay still any longer after that, because he started slowly going out and then back in.  
  
Armin immediately voiced his displeasure. It felt really, really uncomfortable. Especially when Levi's penis was going out. He really tried to bear with it, but it got to a point that he was just too much in pain to ignore it. He put his hand on Levi's hips and pushed back to prevent him from moving.

Levi stopped straight away, asking: ''Reaching your limits, are we?''

His voice was tainted with pleasure. Obviously, it felt good to him. Very good. It was rare to hear him breathing like that. Levi didn't really moan or voice his pleasure, but Armin was starting to recognise the signs he gave out when he was feeling good. And right now, he was feeling _**damn good.**_ Which made Armin feel bad about stopping him for the third time.   
  
Levi laid on his elbows to be able to see Armin's face who nodded, a little tear forming in the corner of his eyes. Levi wiped it down, cupping the face with his hand. After a few seconds, Armin spoke in a low voice: ''It doesn't matter, you can cum inside of me. I just want you to feel good.''

Levi's eyes slightly widened, and within the next second, he came. One of his arms fell back on the bed completely and he tried to hold himself thanks to his other elbow, but the pleasure was so intense that he practically collapsed on Armin.

When it was over, he got back up and looked down at Armin with widened, extremely shocked eyes, his face stuck in an expression of pure astonishment, flabbergasted in a way that Armin never saw.

''How... How many times is this going to happen,'' Levi slowly articulated, blinking like crazy.

Armin had an embarrassed, nervous chuckle: ''Ah... I don't- I- I'm sorry.''

He'd never seen the captain so taken aback. He was as surprised as he was that his words just made him cum, when he was barely even moving.

Levi pulled himself together and went back to his usual colder self.

''Don't apologise over that, idiot.''

Armin took in the harsh words and tried his best to stop feeling sorry. They were about to move when something shifted in Levi's eyes. All of a sudden, he looked the same way he did on the battlefield and put his hand on Armin's mouth, pushing him firmly against the mattress.

There was a shadow visible from underneath the door. If someone was to knock, who knows what they'd need to do. Levi stayed like that for as long as the shadow was there and when it finally left, he let go of a rather confused Armin.

They didn't say anything for a few more seconds, actually Levi kept on looking at the door like how a tiger spies on his prey. When he finally went back to give Armin some attention, he looked down noticed that the blond boy had lost his erection.

''You get startled easily don't you,'' Levi said, looking at him with cold eyes.

Armin pouted, visibly annoyed: ''Anybody would go soft in such a situation.''

''I wouldn't,'' Levi replied in a serious tone.

Armin was really tempted to reply ''you pervert'', but some part of him still wanted to live, so he remained quiet. His words seemed to have moved Levi anyway, because he blinked a few times and didn't look so cold anymore.

''I guess I have a lot of self-control,'' he said, ''you will too, with time.''

''Thanks for reminding me that I'm still a soldier in training,'' Armin said bitterly, ''now the mood is definitely gone.''

He sat up on the bed and was about to get back on his feet, but Levi caught his arm so firmly that he almost fell over.

''I'll make up for that next time,'' he said in Armin's ear, with a tone that made him shiver, and then gave him a quick but sensual kiss on the neck.

When he let go of him, Armin was blushing. He turned over to Levi who was looking at him with ice eyes.

''Now we're done,'' he said, ''go back to your dormitory.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I asked my SO to go over my chapter to check for grammar mistakes and such, and I swear y'all when it came to the part where Levi says ''I wouldn't'', they laughed in a way I never saw them laugh before! They found it hilarious for some reason, they couldn't even talk for a solid five minutes. I didn't especially intend for this to be funny and I never saw somebody laugh from something I wrote before! It was just a great feeling and I feel good, so I thought I'd share with you, here, have some of my happiness!!!


	5. Chapter 5

''So how does it work exactly, is he like your new thing?''

Levi's face twitched uncomfortably, but he shouldn't have been surprised. If anyone was going to find out about his little affair, it had to be Hange, because Hange was always minding Levi's business. He didn't expect them to show up anywhere near his bedroom last night. And although he remained completely silent when their shadow drew itself bellow the door, Hange somehow managed to sense what was going on.

''I'd rather say we're each other's thing, to be fair,'' he said calmly, handing them the papers that they came for.

''Ah,'' Hange replied with a strange tone, ''Is that so...''

Levi rolled his eyes but did not push the conversation any farther. He wasn't sure if she knew who exactly he slept with, but he'd rather not clarify anything.

.

.

.

He was in Levi's bedroom. How did he get there? He didn't remember. All that he knew was that Levi's hand on his neck felt good and that he couldn't wait for their lips to meet, but it didn't happen. Instead, Levi stepped back and looked at him with disdain.

''By the way,'' he said in a very deep voice, ''I hope you're not in love with me.''

Armin's eyes suddenly opened, and he could see the ceiling of the dormitory. It only took a few seconds for him to realise that he'd been dreaming, but his heart didn't stop pounding. In fact, he was breathless, it felt like he had jumped from a cliff without his ODM gear. Levi's voice was pulsing into his ears as if he was just next to him.

_''It's crazy how real it feels,''_ Armin thought to himself as he sat up. He glanced to his left and Eren seemed to be peacefully asleep. The dormitory was as silent as it could be, but there was no way he could go back to sleep now, so he decided to head to the toilet.

On the way back, his heart skipped a bit when he saw Levi's face. What he was doing here, in the corridor, in the middle of the night was a mystery. He seemed to be back from somewhere, maybe Erwin's office?

In any case, he didn't have to say one single thing. As soon as his eyes landed on Armin, he tilted his head quickly as to point a direction, and Armin just knew. He followed him silently. Levi opened the door for him and there he was, once again, in this dark room only partially lit by moonlight.

Armin moved forward slightly and waited. Levi took his time to lock the door and wash his hands. Only then did he come to Armin and, without a noise, he put one of his hand on his hips to draw him closer and kissed him on the lips for a few seconds only. He then guided Armin towards the bed and made him sit down.

For some reason, Armin's brain didn't want to shut down. He was still reminiscing his weird dream and was wondering why he was there when he didn't get any notes. He also thought of the previous day and how sex had been. Not even Levi's sweet touch could tame his mind this time, so when the captain's hand came to his face, Armin caught it and, in a faint, unassured voice, he asked:

''What are you gonna do to me?''

Levi didn't blink, he looked at Armin in the eyes and whispered with a low, tender voice:

''Nothing that you don't want me to do.''

That sentence removed all of Armin's doubts. All of a sudden, he wasn't thinking anymore and all that mattered were Levi's lips on his and how his hands were going under his top.

''Turn around,'' Levi ordered.

Armin didn't know what to expect, but when he shifted a bit, Levi instantly came to sit behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. He felt the captain's chest on his back, as he was holding him, almost squeezing him. Levi's knees came against his thighs and he put his head on Armin's shoulders. At this point, the blond boy was unsure what to do with his hands and felt slightly unsettled.

''Yeah, like that,'' Levi's deep voice resonated near his ear.

Armin blushed slightly, his heart beating faster.

''You're such a good boy, aren't you?'' Levi said again.

This time, Armin's heart lost it. To say it was beating like crazy would be an understatement. He felt like his chest was leaving his body. At the same time, his crotch felt warm and fuzzy and within the next five seconds, he was almost as hard as he could be. Levi's hand went down his pants, caressing his erection underneath his clothes. He lightly kissed Armin's neck before continuing: ''You like that, don't you? Spread your legs a little...''

Armin's body was in such a state of ecstasy that he found it very hard to be responsive at all. He tried to spread his shaking legs but could only do it a little.

''You're doing great...''

Armin cummed right on the spot. He suppressed a whine, his hand flying against his mouth, as he came. His shaking body was held in place by Levi's firm grip on his waist and his knees around him. For a few, delicious seconds, everything felt so good, ever and each inch of his body was on fire.

When it was over, Armin was breathless. He looked down at his crotch and didn't even realise that Levi had removed his hand. He was a bit startled, not expecting to climax, but most of all, extremely surprised by the captain's words. He moved forward a bit and turned his head in confusion, just to meet Levi's confident look and a somewhat sly smile.

''This time it's your turn,'' he stated with a proud glim in his dark iris, ''I knew you had a praising kink.''

The blonde boy looked away, mumbling: ''I didn't even know that was a thing.''

''Really cute kink, I must say,'' Levi commented with a low voice.

He was handed a towel – how many of those did Levi even keep nearby? - and quickly wiped all that he could. He also removed his underwear but kept his pyjama pants. That's when he looked at Levi and realised that he was still somewhat hard and was probably waiting on him.

''Captain, I'm sorry!'' he apologised, reaching for his own pants to pull them down again, ''should we-...''

But Levi grabbed his hand and stopped him by putting his fingertips on Armin's lips.

''Shh, shh, you're always trying too hard. Let's take our time...''

He could only nod, mesmerised by the deep grey irises. For a few, long minutes, they just sat on the bed and made out, their hands caressing each other, sometimes pulling on each other's hair slightly or cupping their faces. When Levi pushed Armin over, he was surprised at how natural this was starting to feel. Quickly, Levi was laying on top of him, still fully dressed, but with a noticeable bulge. He had been hard for a while now, Armin thought, Levi had more stamina than him, for sure.

He seemed to enjoy just laying on top of him. Sometimes he was rocking back and forth in a slow motion, sending butterflies in Armin's chest. After a few more minutes, he grabbed the blond boy's hand and slid it under his top. Armin tried to do as he'd been told and took his time to feel every inch of the body, every muscle and also every scars.

''You've got so many,'' Armin whispered, lost in his own thoughts.

Levi kissed his lips briefly. ''Is it a bad thing?'' he asked.

Ah, a question. Armin started to dislike those too now. He just shook his head.

It had only been roughly twenty minutes ever since Armin climaxed, but he was starting to feel all funny again. He felt shivers on his skin when Levi guided his hand towards his lower belly.

''Now be good and touch me there.''

_''Be good''?_ There he was with the praising again.  _''No,'_ ' Armin thought,  _''this time I know your little trick, so it's not gonna work on me.''_ But quite frankly, the raising erection between his legs said otherwise.

He shyly brushed Levi's V line before going lower. When he finally reached the base of the penis, he wrapped his fingers around it before adding the palm of his hand and slowly went up and down.

''Yeah,'' Levi encouraged, ''that feels good. Keep going.''

Butterflies flew in his stomach as he was putting more pressure around the dick in his hand. Levi's breath was faster than usual too, which was a good sign.

''You need some attention too.''

Armin couldn't even stop him when Levi's hand slid in between his legs too. It was the first time in his life that he was getting hard so quickly after cumming. He was feeling so lightheaded that it was getting hard to focus on anything at all and his hand, that was previously wrapped on Levi's penis, fell onto the mattress.

''That feels good, doesn't it?''

He never noticed how attractive Levi's voice was before that moment. It was deep, intense, and almost overwhelming in a way. Armin put his hands on Levi's shoulders, slightly pushing him away as he was trying to catch his breath, feeling drown under all the sensations he was feeling.

''I-...''

''Shh, you're doing just fine,'' Levi cut him off.

More praise just made Armin's heart fly over the hedge. He was feeling more and more light headed to the point that it felt like his soul was leaving his body. When Levi took his hand to bring it back on his cock, Armin did his best to continue.

''Keep going.''

It was funny for once to hear Levi's change in breathing and ever so quiet signs that he was feeling pleasure. If he hadn't known him better, he wouldn't even notice them. It was almost surprising that Levi was enjoying himself so much just from Armin's hand. It was a shame that he was having a hard time focussing. After a moment, Levi grabbed the blond boy's wrist and kissed it slowly before muttering : ''You want to touch yourself? Do it.''

''L-Like that?'' Armin asked, breathless.

''Yes, you're doing very well.'' He leaned over to kiss Armin's forehead and then whispered near his ear: ''Such a  _good_ boy...''

His hand stroke quicker and quicker and next thing he knew, Armin was cumming a second time, in between their bodies. The orgasm made Armin's mind completely blank. It must have lasted a few seconds, but he just couldn't process them, as if he'd been out of his own body. As a result, he was more exhausted than high. He realised a few seconds later that Levi was climaxing too, cumming in a tissue.

When it was over, Levi sat down, and Armin tried to do as well, turning to Levi in disbelief.

''You...'' the captain started before he could say anything, ''you really do have the biggest praise kink I've ever witnessed.''

Levi was more or less trying to hide his amusement by putting his hand in front of his mouth but his little, pleased smile was visible and somehow embarrassed Armin more than it flattered him. He raised himself on his elbows. He was panting like crazy and pushed some of his messy hair out of his face, breathlessly trying to talk: "For my sanity I think this needs to be slowed down."

He wasn't amused at all. What was so funny about that anyway! It was nothing but confusing. Levi acted like he cared so much, like he was putting Armin's pleasure before his, when obviously it was just to spice things up. And it wasn't fair. Armin had to remain focussed. The only reason Levi praised him was to turn him on. It was sad, but it was the truth.

Levi seized the tension and his rare smile disappeared.

''I suppose you're right, it's not very appropriate,'' he sight.

_''Duh,''_ Armin thought, looking at him straight in the eyes  _''don't be so sweet if you don't want me to fall in love with you.''_

It felt like Levi could read his mind, because the captain abruptly pinned his face between his fingers, groaning: ''Don't get any ideas.''

Armin tried to determine what this sudden rise in aggressivity meant. He was intimated nonetheless and remained perfectly still and silent until Levi finally let go of his head.

''We're done,'' he said, ''go back.''

After that Levi headed straight for the bathroom. Not surprising. Armin stayed still for a few more moments, pulling himself together. He cleaned himself as best as he could, got dressed, unlocked the door, and sneaked in the hallway.

In spite of everything, Armin felt like his body was floating, in a good way. But something was telling him that it might not have been the orgasm that made him feel so high. It was just the feeling of being important for someone. As long as it was just that, it should be fine.  He was not going to fall in love with Levi, he promised himself as he slowly climbed back in his bed.

He'd be quite ridiculous to develop feelings for a man that would never love him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thank you again for the nice reviews, I hope you guys liked this chapter! I think next update should be next Friday, I wish you all a nice weekend!!


	6. Chapter 6

There were no other notes for a few days. Armin supposed that Levi was just busy. Well, he hoped that he was just busy. They hadn't exchanged one single word ever since the last time. Armin still recalled the way Levi spoke to him.

**''Don't get any ideas.''**

But he wasn't. He wasn't getting any ideas. He knew very well that the reason Levi was nice to him was not because he was in love. Inevitably, Armin started to wonder if that was what Levi was afraid of. Was he thinking that Armin was developing feelings for him? Was that why there were no notes again? Oh, how Armin wished he could have just walked to Levi and ask him. But he couldn't. So he swallowed his frustration and the days went on.

.

.

.

''Good morning captain,'' Armin said with a faint smile as he entered the kitchen for breakfast, the day after.

He was as natural as he could have been. Levi didn't answer him. Which was also very natural of him. Armin was about to serve himself a cup of tea when he heard a familiar voice shouting his name:  _''Armin!''_

''Hi Eren, you-...''

He didn't have time to finish his sentence; Eren was already launching himself onto him, with an exaggerated worried expression.

''Where were you last night? You left the room and didn't come back for ages.''

Armin pretended not to know what it was all about. He filled his cup with water and acted as if he was trying to remember something: ''Hm... You mean when I went to the toilet?''

''I don't know what you were up to but you were gone for at least two hours?''

Armin held back a laughter, smiling: ''Eren? You've been sitting on your bed the whole time with a watch in your hand?''

Eren didn't look less concerned. He was cornering Armin near the sink, still, his hands on his hips.

''You won't tell me what were you up to?''

''I wasn't up to anything, I was gone for ten minutes maximum,'' Armin chuckled, ''if I'd been doing something exciting, you'd be aware already.''

Eren didn't seem convinced, he raised his eyebrows, trying to read through Armin's innocent smile and pure blue eyes. Why wouldn't he leave him alone right now? Armin had been in Levi's room quite a few times now, and only this morning did Eren decide to care.

_''Sorry to pull this one on you,''_ Armin thought,  _''but you're not giving me any choice.''_

''Eren,'' he asked in a very soft, concerned tone, ''how's your post-traumatic stress disorder lately?''

''That has nothing to do with anything,'' the other boy protested.

''Hm,'' Armin casually sipped his cup, ''I think you were staring at the ceiling again last night.''

Eren would do that sometimes. According to the lady they saw for their medical exam before entering the army, it was due to PTSD. Staring at the wall or the ceiling for hours without realising was quite inoffensive, thankfully. Armin never thought he could use it to his advantage until now.

''I don't do that anymore,'' Eren groaned.

''Actually you still do,'' Armin shrugged, ''Jean, doesn't Eren do that?''

A voice shouted back from across the room: ''Yes he does!''

Eren wasn't long to anger himself even more. He immediately looked away from Armin and walked over to Jean: ''You don't even know what it's about!''

Their voice faded away in Armin's mind. He put his cup down the sink and turned around. His eyes quickly went over Levi's silhouette, who had observed the scene without saying one single thing. For a minute there, Armin wondered if Levi was satisfied with his lie. Manipulating Eren wasn't Armin's favourite hobby, but if it meant more sexy time with Levi, he could do it on a daily basis.

.

.

.

It was harder than Armin expected. Soon he found himself almost in desperate need of a touch again. Did he get addicted so quickly? After a full week of silence, he couldn't take it any longer and decided to sneak out of the dormitory at night. His bare feet on the ground made no noise as he walked through the corridor. However, when he arrived in front of the door, he froze. He knew what to say and what not to say, but a question kept haunting him: what if Levi just wasn't interested in him anymore?

He was debating whether to knock on the door or not when suddenly, it opened up and Armin was quickly dragged inside by the collar of his t-shirt.

An aggressive, cold voice whispered: "What are you doing here? I didn't give any notes, having you in front of my door like that is suspicious!"

Armin's eyes didn't adapt to the darkness of the room quick enough for him to even know where Levi's face was. He was starting into the black, confused.  
  
"How did you...?"  
  
"I saw your shadow. What do you want?"  
  
"I... Came to see if you would accept to sleep with me tonight..."

He heard Levi's footsteps as the captain was walking away from him. A few noises, and all of a sudden, the flame of a match appeared as he was setting a candle up. Now that Armin could see, he took a second to observe Levi's face. He didn't look as angry as he sounded. He even had that faint, playful glow that shimmered in his irises sometimes as he asked quietly: "You deliberately seek sex with me?"  
  
"I never hid the fact that I enjoy sex," Armin shrugged.  
  
Levi tilted his head, as if he was unsure. This made Armin blink a few times. Sure, Levi had shown signs before that he was a bit uncertain of Armin's will to sleep with him, but this was still unexpected.   
  
"I... I need it,'' the blond boy tried to clarify, ''I think too much, but when we do it, my mind stops, and it feels good. I need that.'' He paused for a bit, waiting for Levi's reaction. The captain didn't move at all and was staring at him with a deep gaze. Armin took it as a sign that he was on the right track. He made one step forward and said in a softer, quieter voice: ''Please help me forget about my day."

He waited for a second, and Levi's face suddenly shifted. He looked away and murmured: "Sometimes, Arlet, you say goddamn hot things.'' Armin had to repress a smile when he heard those words. He stayed still as Levi quickly added: ''Go on the bed and get undressed, I'll be there in a minute, I need a shower. You had a shower, right?"

Armin nodded, almost chuckling, while Levi disappeared in the bathroom. He then went in bed and took some of his clothes off. He kept his top and underwear just because it was slightly cold in there. And he waited.

Levi reappeared a few minutes later, smelling of lemon and mint, stroking his wet hair with a towel. He had a small glance at Armin as he walked over to the chair next to the night stand and put his towel there.

''By the way, have you ever been told that you're a good liar?'' he asked without looking at him.

''No, but I'll take it as a compliment,'' Armin chuckled.

Levi then joined him on the bed, sitting on his knees.

''Does Eren really stare at the ceiling?''

''Sometimes he zones out. It's getting better I suppose,'' Armin explained, his mind drifting from thoughts to thoughts.

He focussed back on what they were doing when Levi grabbed one of his blond strips of hair to push it away from his own face. The next thing he knew, they were kissing. Levi put one of his hands on Armin's cheek, as the kiss was getting more and more intense with each second, to the point that Armin had to grab his arm not to fall over. He started to moan, having been longing for that feeling for a whole week now.

Then, suddenly, Levi's sixth sense kicked in. He pulled back abruptly, startling Armin. His heartbeat literally skyrocketed as Levi was pointing to the blond boy's thigh.

''What's that?''

Armin blinked and looked down do the drips of fresh blood that stained his t-shirt and was making its way on his leg. He immediately knew it was from his hand and brought it to his chest.

''Accident while training...'' he whispered.

Levi looked around to make sure there was no blood stains anywhere else – he hated the mess. He grabbed a tissue and handed it to Armin: ''No blood on the bedsheets.''

''Thanks.''

Armin accepted the tissue and started to pat himself, while the realisation that his hand was actually painful started to kick in. He hadn't even realised that it hurt, hell he hadn't even realised it was bleeding again before now.

Levi grabbed his wrist to see what was going. He raised his eyebrows slightly when looking at the wound. Amrin's ring finger was not looking great. It took a careful look for Levi to realise that there was no nail there – it had been torn, hence the bleeding that was almost completely covering the finger.

''Did you lose your nail fully?'' Levi asked, almost in disbelief. ''When did that happen?''

''No,'' Armin shook his head, ''I lost like half of it, it happened when I grabbed my equipment. It went underneath the nail. We bandaged it but I removed it to shower and then I forgot to put it back on.''

Levi kept on looking at the finger, as Armin was trying to clean it by lightly tapping the tissue on it.

''Shit's painful,'' Levi spat, ''you're unlucky.''

Armin shrugged. It was really painful, but he had completely forgotten about it when they were making out. He wished they could just continue, but Levi seemed very put off at that moment. Maybe because it was messy?

''How's your pain tolerance?'' he asked without looking at him, his gaze still on the hand.

''Low,'' Armin said, feeling like this was more of a training session than bedroom talk, ''you know that it's low.''

Levi simply looked at him with a cold expression, unreadable as always: ''It needs rinsing.''

Armin sighed. Earlier that day he had got the bleeding under control, but he must have squeezed Levi's arm too hard. He headed for the bathroom and turned the tap on to rinse it once again. His hand was shaking as he slowly approached it from the running water. He knew this was going to hurt. He vaguely heard Levi's footsteps and all of a sudden, Levi's hand was wrapped around his wrist and forcing it under the water. Armin shivered with pain but managed to remain silent.

Levi must really  _hate_ blood, he thought.

The captain then slid an arm around his hips so that he could grasp the injured hand between his and started to scrub around the missing parts of the fingernail.

Armin could only stay still and let it happen. It was such a stupid way of getting injured though. And now here he was, triggering Levi's OCD instead of having the sex he's been dreaming of for a whole week now. As the thoughts rushed through his head, he couldn't help but to recall the whole incident and it did not make him feel good about himself. Before he realised, tears were forming at the corner of his eyes.

"Armin..?'' Levi called softly. ''Is the pain that bad?"

Did Levi care? It felt like he did. Tears went down on his face as Armin shook his head.   
  
"I'm not crying because of the pain,'' he said slowly, ''I'm crying because I'm tired."

He'd had it under control until that very point. From there, he went from quietly sobbing to proper crying, trying his best not to be too loud. Levi let go of his hand.  
  
"You really chose the right moment to have an emotional break down didn't you."  
  
Armin tried to move away to leave, but Levi caught his arm and pulled him back onto the bed.  
  
"Don't be stupid, if you go out like that, you'll get noticed straight away. Just stay here." Levi stepped back to light a candle and handed Armin some bandages to take care of his finger. As he was wrapping it around the wound, he added in a very quiet voice: "Cry as much as you need, okay? Get it out and over with.''  
  
Armin nodded, hiding his surprise. It was the first time that Levi was so openly caring. He was actually embarrassed of being so emotional in front of him – for no apparent reason other than having messed up during training. He cried for a while. Eventually his head felt heavy and he laid down for a minute. Before he even realised, he fell asleep. When he opened his eyes, he had no idea how much time had passed, it could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours. Next to him, Levi was sitting down, an elbow resting on his knee, staring at the wall.

''What time is it?'' Armin asked, rubbing his eyes.

Levi shrugged, and didn't turn his head: ''Middle of the night.''

''Don't you sleep...?''

''No, I don't sleep.''

''Ah,'' Armin said while sitting down on his knees. He put some of his hair behind his ear and tried to fix his outfit a bit, slowly emerging from his sleep.

''I'm sorry for falling asleep like that,'' he murmured.

''Doesn't matter. You're a quiet sleeper. I almost forgot you were there.''

It was surprising to see Levi so laid back. Normally he wouldn't appreciate those words. He wasn't the type that liked apologies, after all. But Armin was too tired to think. He stroked his face with his hands, trying to pull himself together, and murmured again: ''Eren says that too.''

Suddenly, Levi turned his face towards him, dark cold eyes staring hard.

''Isn't that brat gonna worry that you're not there again?''

''I'll figure something out,'' Armin shrugged, ''since tomorrow is a day off, not everyone is here anyway. I think Jean is out to see his family or something. My absence shouldn't even be noticeable.''

It was a bit uncomfortable to think that this was yet the longest conversation he'd have with Levi yet. The captain must have been in a talkative mood since he hadn't initiate sex yet. Actually, Armin kind of expected to be woken up by his hands on his body, but that hadn't happened. Instead, Levi had been patiently waiting.

''Are you gonna say you went to see your family as well?'' the captain asked.

''No,'' Armin shook his head, ''I've got no one to visit.''

''Oh yeah,'' Levi breathed, looking away for a minute, ''I forgot you're from Shiganshina district. You didn't have family anywhere else?''

Armin shifted a bit to be in a more comfortable position and shook his head.

''Your parents didn't survive, I suppose,'' Levi then asked.

Levi's curiosity was almost touching. If Armin wouldn't have been forbidding himself to fall for the captain, he'd probably have butterflies dancing in his stomach. He licked his lips, contemplating his injured finger.

''They were gone long before that,'' he stated. ''They just left one day and never came back.'' That reminded Levi of his own past. He almost had compassionate eyes for Armin, but the blond boy quickly added: ''Hm? No it's not like that, I never really cared. I don't feel sad about it.''

Levi gave Armin a surprised look, as to say _''and people call me emotionless?!''_ to which Armin could only shrug. He shifted a bit and tried to clarify: ''I mean I was too busy reading books and I had my grandfather.''

''What happened to him?''

''He died in the suicidal operation to take back wall Maria,'' Armin said with a neural tone.

''Hm,'' Levi simply nodded.

''But then again you know, after all I'd been through it didn't seem like much. I had Eren and Mikasa and I was relying on them a lot back then.''

''Not anymore?'' Levi asked with a hint in his tone that he already knew the answer.

The deep conversation got Armin thinking more than he'd like. He bit his lips.

''Eren is... Well, let's say he's a very angry person. And Mikasa is a very... She's a very Eren-centred person. It's hard to find a place to fit with in between the two of them sometimes.''

He shook his head as if he was thinking deeply, but he didn't look sad nor bothered, so Levi couldn't help and state: ''You don't seem to mind.''

To which Armin shrugged again.

''People come and go. Nobody stays in your life forever. There's nothing sad about it, that's just how things are.''

They both stayed silent for a few seconds, suddenly making eye contact. None of them needed to speak in order to understand that this applied to them as well.

Levi couldn't help but thinking he was lucky that Armin seized what he'd been looking for so well. The blond boy knew he shouldn't get attached. Even Petra, whom Levi had felt really connected with, struggled to understand where the limits were.

''That's right,'' Levi whispered, ''How's your finger?''

''It's better.''

It was rare for Levi to ask anything like that, unless if he had something in mind, which didn't seem to be the case this time. Once again, Armin shoved away the waves that were trying to shake his heart. They stayed silent for a while, making him wonder why he was still there, and he quickly came to the conclusion that Levi still waited for them to sleep together. He slowly raised his hand towards the captain.

''Do you want to..?'' he asked a bit shyly.

But to his surprise, Levi shook his head.

''No. Not tonight.''

Geeze. That blood really did put him off. Or was it because Armin showed up without having been asked to? Levi had seemed pretty eager to have sex before though.

''I guess we're done,'' Levi whispered, looking at Armin.

The words felt harsh and cold. Armin nodded as if he wasn't disappointed, but he was.

"You shouldn't show up uninvited,'' Levi added, as Armin was getting up. Before the blond boy walked away from him, he grabbed his wrist and initiated eye contact. The simple touch on his skin made Armin shiver as he looked down into the grey eyes, and when Levi spoke, all of his doubts were brushed away.

"I'll try to have you here as often as possible, if that's what you want."

Armin couldn't repress a smile.

''I'm looking forward to more,'' he said in a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guuuuys I'm so happy that so many people are into this pairing, I genuinely didn't think I would get more than two comments so this is amazing. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint, it's the first chapter without any *spice*, it gives a bit more room for the relationship between those two to develop ;D


	7. Chapter 7

Armin's heart raced when he found a note in his pocket the next day. A part of him was wondering if he was putting pressure on Levi and if that was the reason why Levi gave him a note so quickly. The other part didn't give a fucking damn and was just dying with excitement.

The usual shower he was taking before going in Levi's bedroom almost felt surreal. Armin scrubbed his body as nicely as he could, while taking care of his injured finger. He tied his hair in a really tiny pony tail just because he didn't want any of his hair getting in the way. It had been such a long time since they had done anything, and he simply could not wait.

When he sneaked into the dark bedroom, he was smiling uncontrollably. From the moment the door closed, he didn't really have time to process anything. Levi was actually in the room, waiting for him, and as soon as the door was locked, he was all over Armin, wrapping around him like a shadow, pushing him against the door and covering Armin's mouth with his hand.

It was all so fast that Armin let out a sharp, surprised yelp, his eyes locking with Levi's. His hand was so firm on his face that he couldn't even move his lips, not even a little. Startled, he raised his arms and grabbed Levi's body wherever he could.

Levi's face was so close to his, and in a very low, deep voice, he whispered:  ''Don't say a thing.''

The first thought that came to Armin's mind was that they probably talked too much the day before and that in response to that, he was now forbidden to talk.

The second thing that came to his mind was that Levi's voice was so damn sexy.

''Don't say a single thing tonight,'' the sweet voice murmured again, close to his ear, ''you understand?''

Armin nodded slowly. Levi's hand was still firmly placed onto his mouth and chin, applying more pressure than necessary. All of his body was pressing Armin down against the door. It was the first time that he saw Levi being so authoritarian just before having sex. Usually, Levi was firm, but not aggressive. He always ensured that Armin could leave if he wanted to. Not this time.

This time Armin could only stay still and wait for Levi to let go of him. And there was something about it made him feel like this was a turning point in his sexuality. Maybe it was the fact that he was already as hard as he could be – and nothing had happened yet! Maybe it was the way his mind let go of everything instantly, not even questioning the fact that Levi showed up in the bedroom before he did.

All he knew was that his body was all fuzzy, especially the parts that Levi shoved against the door. Obviously, he liked that.

It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was so powerful that when Levi let go, Armin's legs were shaking and he almost dropped to the floor, unable to even control anything anymore. When Levi realised that, something in his eyes shifted, and licked his lips nervously before pulling Armin closer to carry him over to the bed.

Then again, Armin wasn't able to do anything. He opened his mouth but shut it down quickly after realising that he'd been told not to talk. His body fell onto the bed like he was a rag doll. He just had enough time to move his leg to the side before Levi laid down on top of him and kissed him with passion.

He was almost relieved when Levi undressed him, because his limbs were feeling really heavy. His mind was still processing everything when he realised that he was naked, and that Levi was removing his own clothes. In an attempt to pull himself together, Armin sat up and joined his hands to Levi's so that he could help him as well.

After that, Armin no longer felt so overwhelmed that he couldn't do anything. Actually, he was so eager that he was actively participating in foreplay, although he remembered to not say a word. Contrary to what he thought, he quickly realised that not talking didn't mean that any kind of communication was forbidden. He could sense what Levi wanted him to do and what he was thinking just from the way he moved or the spark in his eyes. It almost made Armin feel more daring than usual and after a lot of foreplay, he went down on Levi. In a very shy and unexperimented way, but Levi did seem to enjoy it.

He was rocking hard when he pushed Armin onto his back and laid between his legs.

Armin felt the tip of Levi's penis aligning with his lubed butthole and braced himself for penetration. He was expecting something gentle, since Levi had never been on the brutal side so far. He'd probably do a little hip trust to get inside. But nothing came. Nothing but the sensation of the tip of his penis slightly pushing, resting against the entrance.   
  
Levi kissed him, forcing Armin to breathe properly - he'd been holding his breath without realising. As the kiss got more and more passionate, the feeling in his lower back became less and less foreign and almost felt like it had always been that way. Armin was more focused on the warm tongue on his, and on he hands that were squeezing his thighs.

Then, all of a sudden, he felt Levi's dick entering him a bit. Armin couldn't repress a yelp of surprise, as he wasn't expecting it anymore. Levi didn't even have to move his hips, it was Armin's muscles which were relaxed enough to let the hard cock go past.   
  
This time was really different from the previous ones. He remembered in particular how hard Levi had to push in order to penetrate him the first time they'd try, and how it instantly made a strange pain irradiate in his body. This time, he wasn't feeling anything like that. The cock slid in him without any difficulty, as if it was meant to do just that.   
  
He  slightly pulled his face back so that he could look at his partner and see if he was as surprised as himself. It wasn't the case, Levi's dark eyes seemed determined, as if he knew what he was going.   
  
Well of course he knew. At this point, Armin shouldn't have been surprised at all.

Levi obviously had more experience and when he was the one leading, he wasn't rushing it like Armin would. His penis was slowly getting deeper inside of him, and the captain moved his hips a bit so he could be in a better position, while Armin just worked on his breathing, awkwardly trying to anticipate the familiar pain he'd feel the previous times, except it never came.  
  
Once Levi was fully buried inside of him, he looked at the blond boy in the eyes, with a deep, penetrating gaze. Armin knew that he wasn't allowed to say anything, so he tried to not even let the words form in his mind. He kept on breathing deeply as Levi's hand dived into his blond hair and pulled on it slightly. He then moved his hips in a very gentle circular motion, which made Armin whimper. The sensation was unfamiliar. He had experienced fingering before but it was nowhere near as big. Every little movement of Levi's cock made him feel like he was out of air.  
  
Then, one of the tiny giggles hit the right spot and Armin let out an unexpected moan.  
  
Levi smiled.  
  
He only ever smiled during sex, and that thought saddened Armin, but he didn't have time to dwell on it because Levi was pulling out a bit. That was another feeling that Armin was unfamiliar with and it wasn't really enjoyable, but when Levi pushed back in, he quickly forgot about his discomfort, as he aimed right for the prostate.

Levi then set a slow rhythm, making sure that Armin could catch his breath when he needed to, and eventually he would pull in and out in a way that resembled what he imagined that sex was like. And it also felt good in a way that he imagined sex would feel.

Finally, they were making love. No – they were having sex. Or were they? It was hard to tell, but what he knew was that it was the first time he'd feel such a connection with somebody else. It almost felt like they were the same person, sharing the same pleasure, the same connection. Levi's sighs of pleasure were barely hearable but to Armin, they were louder than they had ever been.

Armin made sure to moan as quietly as possible, his head half buried in Levi's shoulder, but at one point, he whined in a way that he maybe shouldn't have, because his lover's name escaped his lips.

''Levi~...''

He wasn't sure if they were intimate enough to do so, but it was too late now. It was probably fine anyway, because Levi didn't react in any way, even if he broke the order and had said something. It was the only word that he'll use, though he wanted to say more. His praising kink must have been stronger than he thought because he felt really, really tempted to ask out: _''Do I feel good?''_ , but he held himself back, knowing that he wasn't allowed to talk. Also, this would probably come off as embarrassing.

The thought left his mind when Levi started to pound him a bit faster. He was purposely hitting just on the right spot. It wasn't long before Armin felt the need to touch himself. He pushed his hand in between their bodies, which made Levi change his position a bit so that Armin could access his own erection. It didn't take long before he climaxed, biting his lips to avoid being too loud. Knowing how Levi was, he made sure to cum in the palm of his hand and regretted it almost as soon as he was done because now his hand was all sticky. Thankfully, Levi was finished just a few seconds later and got off of him.

The captain was quick to get back on his knees and headed towards the bathroom to clean himself, after tossing a towel to his partner. Armin gathered enough force to place the towel beneath his hips and stayed on the bed for a moment, his mind zoning out. It was a lot to take in - in every way.  
  
When Levi came back, he expected to be told to leave, but that wasn't the case. Instead, Levi sat down next to him and kissed the back of his hand.  
  
"You did good."  
  
The simple words almost brought Armin to tears. It was such a rare thing for Levi to genuinely praise someone. Not to even mention that they had been trying to have proper sex for a while now. Levi's compliment was such a huge relief to hear.

"Thank you," he replied with a smile, assuming that he could now speak, "I... I liked it."  
  
"I could tell," Levi nodded with a very faint smile on his lips.  
  
Armin blinked a few times, realising how adorable Levi was being. He was a very, extremely lovable person. It was hard to refrain the feelings, but Armin kept them away. Instead he tried to focus on things that Levi would do that weren't nice... And he quickly had to come to the conclusion that there were none. Aside from maybe shoving him against the door in a more aggressive way than necessary. But Armin would be lying to himself if he'd say that he didn't adored that part as well.

He gathered himself and went to the bathroom to clean himself as well. Having to deal with being cummed in wasn't his favourite part of sex, so it was a good thing that Levi's private bathroom was literally three steps away. When he came back, Levi was already dressed and was sitting down on the bed – which he had just made. He didn't tell Armin to leave just yet. Instead, he was absently looking outside the window.

Armin bit his lips. He really wanted to talk about the ''aggressive'' part of their lovemaking but he knew that Levi didn't like questions. He almost yelped when Levi's deep voice resonated in the room:  ''What is it?''

Did the Ackerman have the ability to read through his mind? Armin bit his lips and realised that he'd been staring. He tried to stay casual as he put his top back on.

"I was just wondering,'' he started, ''when you... When you came up to me, the first time, if I hadn't given my consent, would you have done it anyway...?"  
  
Levi's face instantly expressed some kind of surprise mixed with anger. Boy, did he hate questions - and especially that one since it made absolutely no sense. He stared at Armin with anger.  
  
"What is wrong with you," he spat, "I'm not that kind of-..."  
  
He stopped himself in the middle of his sentence because Armin had turned his head with an embarrassed look. That's when Levi realised, he understood the real meaning behind the question and stayed silent for a few seconds, the anger leaving his face.  
  
"Really?" he asked in disbelief.  
  
The blond boy briefly turned towards him and then looked away again, his cheeks getting darker and darker.  
  
"Armin? Really?"  
  
"Don't say anything else," Armin quickly protested, shoving his pants back on, "this is really embarrassing."

''You asked that because it's a thought that turns you on,'' Levi said in a tone that was half questioning, half stating, his eyebrows raised.

''M-Maybe,'' Armin was struggling to sort his belt out, his fingers shaking slightly, furiously avoiding Levi's eyes.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind."  
  
Armin froze. That was an unexpected answer. He didn't want to, but his brain was already anticipating what they could actually do but the simple thought of Levi's authority made his chest all fizzy. He could only sit there and try to repress all the sensations he was feeling, with his cheeks becoming red. Levi observed him in silence for a little while.

''This is really out of the blue though. I thought you were into praising and stuff.''

The blonde boy shrugged, grabbing one of his boots: ''I can be into both.''  
  
"Say," Levi then asked, looking like he was in deep thoughts, "has that got anything to do with what happened to you?"  
  
Armin tilted his head: "What happened to me?"  
  
"When you were dressed up as Historia."  
  
"Oh... I d-..."  
  
Armin didn't even finish his sentence. He'd completely forgotten about that, it wasn't something he liked to think about. It was surprising that Levi was bringing it up at all. He turned his head towards the captain to try and understand where this was going, but Levi's eyes were as unreadable as they always were. He was simply sitting there, looking at him with his dark irises, waiting for him to answer.  
  
"Why would it be related to that?" Armin finally said with annoyance in his voice.  
  
"People tend to glamorise their own trauma," Levi shrugged, "I bet ya Eren likes to call his partners mommy."  
  
Armin made a disgusted face. He wished he could come back at Levi by bringing up the captain's own twisted kinks but... He had no idea about Levi's kinks. He'd seem pretty vanilla so far.  
  
He shook his head: "Why- no it has nothing to do with it, I don't see why you'd even mention it."  
  
"You've been sexually assaulted. I was just thinking that this must have been impacting."

Armin cringed a bit and felt something moving in his chest. It was the first time that anybody would put such words on what had happened to him. He himself never dared to call it just that. No one ever even mentioned it outside of Jean, and Jean didn't call it a sexual assault either.

When the other cadets learnt about what happened, they laughed at the fact that Armin's aggressor mistook him for a girl to the point of wanting to sleep with him. To Armin, this was the most humiliating part. But nothing about that was linked to a sexual kink of any kind. So why was his chest beating so fast? Why was he so annoyed?

Armin sight and pulled himself together. He didn't need to be so emotional about it, after all. He shook his head and said very calmly: "I had completely erased it from my memory until now. What happened is really no big deal."

He finally slid his foot into his boot when Levi said another sentence that made him freeze.

''How far did he get with you?''

How could Levi be so serious and yet so casual about it.

Armin frowned in annoyance: ''Not far enough to have me traumatised,'' he stated clearly.

''But enough to make it a kink?''

''Will you stop that,'' Armin muttered, angrily, turning to Levi with a sharp movement. ''This is none of your business!'' he then shouted louder than he intended to.

It was all in the past. Armin didn't want to be a victim, it was already humiliating enough that Jean saw him cry, that Sasha and Connie laughed about it...

He stuffed his foot in the other boot and got up without even tying the laces together. He was going to rush outside of the room but before he could do so, he felt Levi's grip on his arm. Not strong grip, a rather soft one, actually. One that he could have pulled off easily if he wanted to. And then Levi's voice stroke him: ''Armin,'' he simply called, but in a tone that he'd never heard before. A gentle, almost pleading tone.

When Armin turned around, Levi was looking at him with an expression that he'd never seen on his face either.

''This is the first time that you get angry at me,'' he said with a hint of confusion, ''please don't...''

It was impossible to stay upset when hearing Levi's gentle tone. He almost looked vulnerable in a way. He got off of the bed and quickly wrapped his arms around Armin, hugging him from behind, his hand squeezing him tight.

The hug felt nice. It felt needed. But it also felt a bit out of place. Levi had never really touched Armin in a non-sexual context before. Armin was wondering if it was just that Levi didn't want them to be angry at each other so that they could continue to sleep together. It would have been sad to be deprived of sex because of a silly fight.

Levi quickly let go but they stayed close to each other. Armin turned around so that he could look at his lover's face, but it was back to its usual coldness.

''Sorry,'' Armin whispered, ''I'm not angry, I'm just... I just don't understand why you care.''

They were almost the same height, so their eyes naturally locked into each other as Levi shrugged and said with a striking sincerity and spontaneously: "Because I should have protected you."  
  
There, they both felt the tension rising in the air. Armin blinked a few times. With those simple words, Levi made it clear that he cared about Armin in a way that was close if not completely romantic.

He clearly crossed a line.

Levi himself seemed to realise what he'd said because he took a step back.

"I..."

"I mean yes, you should have, it's your role," Armin replied quickly as if nothing happened, "as a captain. You have to protect all of us."  
  
"Yes that's my role," Levi quickly whispered.

Armin was absently scratching his arm. He said in another one of his natural tones: "Yeah no need to dwell on it."

A cold voice replied: ''Right, we're done for this time.''

The irony was that if Armin would stumble onto the thin line between sex and romance, he'd be kicked out of the room within the next seconds, but if it was Levi who was the one getting the limits wrong, it was still Armin who was kicked out. What a life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I feel like Levi and Armin's relationship is so complicated! I hope I didn't lose you all lol. As always THANK YOU for the sweet reviews, you guys are the best! Also, next chapter will tackle even more with what happened to Armin in season 3 episode 1 (I can't remember which chapter it's in) so giving you a warning in advance, in case topics such as rape/molestation triggers you!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: in this chapter, Armin and Levi experiment with con non-con, I thought I'd pop a lil' warning, just in case that topic may trigger to you. It mostly deals with Armin's past sexual abuse and it's such a delicate topic to tackle. Don't see any judgement towards rape roleplay, I don't intend to glorify or criticize it, this is just me playing around with characters and see how they react in particular situations xxx

_''Come on, let me hear that sweet voice of yours...''_

Armin's breath got cut off suddenly. He tried to move but he couldn't. His arms and legs were tied together.

''Don't cry....''

Hands were touching him in between his thighs, and it shouldn't have felt good, but it did. Armin felt disgusted by the waves of pleasure that were going through his hips, as the old pervert was squeezing his thighs.

''You know you like it.''

Armin's eyes snapped open. That was Levi's voice. How could it be? He was being touched by that old man, not Levi.

And with that, his whole world spiralled down and he jolted awake in his bed. It took a few seconds for him to process that he'd just have another nightmare.

''Oi,'' Jean called him out from his own bed, ''you alright?''

Armin wiped his face with his hands and mumbled a confused answer: ''Yeah, it just felt very real...'' He then patted the mattress and realised that his hand did not meet Eren's body and that the place was actually cold. ''Where's Eren? It's still really early.''

Jean shrugged, as he was getting up. Most of them were still asleep. Normally they needed to be awake by the sunrise, but they still had quite some time.

''He probably went to train with Hange and Levi. You know, titan stuff.''

''Oh,'' Armin sight. He couldn't be mad though; he too was disappearing without letting Eren know where he was going.

.

.

.

''Raven!'' Armin exclaimed with a smile when he spotted his horse.

He went over to her to let her out of her stall. She seemed pretty happy to see him too, as she was tapping her legs. As he let her out, Armin quickly hugged her, when a familiar voice snapped him back to reality.

''You shouldn't get so attached to your horse. We have as many losses with them as with our soldiers.''

Armin turned around, barely surprised to see Levi in the stable, all dressed up in gears and looking fairly tired. He must have been out and about since dawn.

''I know,'' Armin shrugged as Raven was pushing her head against his shoulder, ''but it's impossible not to.'' He then stared at Levi for a few seconds and murmured with a spark of wittiness in his voice: ''You should know.''

He half expected Levi to scold him or to leave, but instead the captain kept a cold face, getting dangerously closer and closer.

''Armin,'' he whispered with an almost threatening tone, ''you're not my thing.''

Normally, Armin wouldn't have been so daring, but it was the perfect opportunity, so he replied in a low voice: ''No, but I wanna be.''

Levi raised his eyebrows, looking at Armin with a hint of disdain in his eyes. For a second there, Armin thought that he was going to scold him. After all, what Armin said was highly inappropriate and if anyone overheard it, it would make sense that Levi would abruptly put Armin back in his place.

A few seconds went by before Levi finally replied: ''Careful what you wish for, cadet.''

Armin tensed, knowing that he messed up just by the look that Levi was giving him. He nodded, not daring to say another word.

Surprisingly enough, before leaving, Levi whispered:

''Tonight. same as usual.''

.

.

.

It was a simple relationship, or at least it should have been simple, since it was just sex. Yet Armin was constantly overthinking everything. He couldn't help it. The only moment where he wasn't thinking was when they would actually have sex. The rest of the time, he was reanalysing every tiny detail in his mind.

Obviously, Levi was more comfortable with him than he was at the beginning. After all, he did come to talk to Armin instead of leaving a note. That was surprising.

''Armin, are you okay?''

''Uh,'' Armin let out a sharp gasp as he realised he'd be holding his spoon up in the air for a while but hadn't eaten anything. He turned his head towards Jean, who seemed really concerned. ''Yeah, I'm fine,'' he tried to reassure him, ''I'm just taking my time.''

''Looks to me like you're zoning out,'' Jean replied, crossing his arms, ''are you sure you're fine?''

Armin shrugged, eating his food: ''Yeah, why d'you ask?''

''You've been talking in your sleep.''

Armin felt his body freezing but forced himself to continue to eat normally. Instantly, the thought that maybe he'd betray himself by saying Levi's name or something similar came to his mind. He had to find an excuse, and quick.

''Oh, what did I say?'' he asked curiously, as if everything was fine, but his heart was racing.

Jean wasn't eating anymore. He was just staring at Armin very seriously. His fist tighten a bit as he replied: ''You said:  _don't touch me_ .''

For a second there, he was relieved that nothing bad happened. But right after, a knock formed in his throat and he put his spoon back on the table, looking down.

''Ah, is that so...''

''You know I'm here if you wanna talk,'' Jean quickly said.

''Thank you, Jean, I'm fine.''

He smiled, but it felt very fake. Jean didn't say anything else. None of them had any more food after that. Armin just tried to chase the bad memories by imagining what he could be doing with Levi during the evening. He couldn't help but overthinking everything they said to each other.

_''You're not my thing.''_

_''No, but I wanna be.''_

He was feeling butterflies in his stomach just thinking about it. He had to actually tone it down so that he wouldn't get hard in public, but the thought of rough, non-gentle sex was actually quite thrilling. Like when the captain had shoved him against the door and ordered him not to talk. That was hot as hell. And Armin was determined to push things further.

.

.

.

Armin was ever so glad that he wasn't going to go to bed early that night. Sleeping was becoming an issue, he couldn't keep on having those stupid nightmares, especially now that they were impacting his daily life.

Levi wasn't in the bedroom yet when Armin got there. He waited for a while, absent-mindedly observing the pieces of furniture and other objects. There wasn't much there, it's not like Levi, or any of them for what it mattered, had time or money to spend to personalise their room. The bathroom was nice though. Nothing like the collective bathrooms which all of the cadets shared. Levi had a huge tiled bathtub and a separate shower, as well as shelves with various types of soaps and bottles nicely set. It was no doubt that this was Levi's favourite room.

When he heard the door opening, Armin went back to the room. Levi had a quick glance at him and then started to undress himself. He didn't greet him at all, but Armin didn't take it personally. That's just how Levi was.

''What are you waiting for?'' Levi asked, seeing as Armin was not removing his clothes.

The blond boy licked his lips nervously.

_''Careful what you wish for, cadet.''_

Levi's words replayed in his mind, but he ignored them.

''I'm waiting for orders,'' he whispered, ''I like being told what to do.''

Levi didn't take it seriously though. He put away his carefully folded top and humoured: ''That explains why you're a soldier.''

''I'm trying to start something,'' Armin clarified.

''And I'm trying to ignore it,'' Levi replied immediately.

That answer slightly annoyed Armin. He crossed his arms, pouting.

''When you said you'll keep it in mind I thought it meant you were willing to give it a try.''

Levi put his gears away and turned around, looking at Armin with serious eyes. He was topless, and seeing all the muscles and scars as he was standing up next to him made him look even more intimidating than usual. He walked closer to Armin, with his unreadable grey eyes, and ask with a harsh voice: ''Are you sure this is what you want?''

''Yes.''

Armin didn't even hesitate one second. Just hearing Levi's cold tone was giving him the chills.

''You still haven't told me what happened to you exactly,'' Levi said, tilting his head slightly.

Armin tried to remain calm this time, though this was irritating, he explained with a neutral, firm voice: ''I told you this isn't related in any way. You really don't need to know.''

There was a few seconds during which he felt like Levi was literally reading, or at least trying to read his mind. It made Armin slightly uncomfortable, but he knew that if he looked away or showed the slightest sign that he was changing his mind, Levi wouldn't be willing to give it a try.

''Alright,'' the captain finally said after a while, clapping his tongue on his palate, ''so what's it gonna be exactly? You want to be tied up? To be ordered around? Should I insult you? Hit you?''

The tone in which Levi spoke made Armin shiver. He seemed so casual about it, and he listed things that Armin really didn't want to try out. He bit his lips, trying to clarify what he had in mind: ''I'm not really into the physical part of it. Well I don't think so anyway...''

''So you just want me to be forceful? But no actual violence.''

Armin felt his heart skip a beat because this was exactly what he wanted, and the simple fact of hearing it made him feel excited already. He nodded eagerly, quickly saying under his breath: ''I want to pretend that I'm not into it.''

''So we just do everything as normal but you keep telling me not to?''

He nodded again, feeling a bit overwhelmed. He never thought that he'd be in that kind of thing, and even less that he'd ever experiment it with his captain, but here he was. It was so wrong on so many levels, but he couldn't care less at that moment, because his desire was overtaking everything else, even the shame of having to admit that he wanted to do rape roleplay.

Levi chuckled, with a malicious, sly smile. He looked at Armin as if he was a little prey, ready to be eaten.

''Damn, you're a cute one.''

Cute wasn't exactly an adjective that Armin expected to hear. He stared back at Levi with curious eyes.

''Were you looking forward to doing something more extreme?''

''Oh no, don't misunderstand, you're more than enough to satisfy me.''

He closed the gap between them and held Armin's face gently before kissing him. After a bit, when their lips parted, he whispered: ''Now, cadet, I think you owe me sex...''

Then again, Armin's heart was racing. He suddenly felt very shy and his voice was almost shaking as he answered: ''Do we have to?''

''It's not like you have a choice, do you?''

Armin's body was on fire. He prayed that no one would hear anything that he was about to say or else they could get a wrong idea on the situation.

''Please, I don't want to...''

''Just let it happen, you're gonna like it.''

He carried Armin to the bed and pushed him onto the mattress, kissing him tenderly as he was undressing him at the same time. Levi took his time to undo each button of Armin's top and then slid his hand on the skin.

''Levi,'' Armin whispered, already feeling hard.

Levi pinned his hands down on each side of his head and stared down for a moment. Then he carried on what he was previously doing.

So far, it was really hot. Exactly how Armin had wanted it. Forceful but gentle. It was all clearly a game, Armin wasn't even trying to resist, he was just whispering ''no'' and ''please'' once in a while, and he had butterflies dancing in his stomach every time Levi would tell him to do something. The captain seemed to enjoy the little play as well. He was firmly moving Armin around like he was his personal doll.

At some point, he sat Armin on his knees and hugged him from behind, spreading Armin's legs slightly so that he could access his crotch. He then kissed Armin's neck and squeeze him against his chest. His hands went down in between Armin's legs so that he could undo his pants and touch him.

''Moan for me,'' he said as one of his hands was making its way underneath Armin's top.

The order sent Armin into a weird mindset where he didn't feel like he could actually do what he was being asked. In fact, he could barely move at all. Since the beginning of their play, his body had been overflown with adrenaline and he was slightly light-headed, so he didn't even realise what was happening.

''Come on, let me hear your voice,'' Levi asked again, seeing as Armin was not showing any reaction.

Suddenly, Armin felt like he was at loss for air. He bent over, putting his arms on the mattress, his head down. He breathed rapidly, trying to fill his lungs with the needed oxygen, but the more he breathed, the more he felt like he was drowning. He started coughing excessively, fighting his own body to be able to breath. He lowered his head and his arms fell on his sides.

Levi quickly let go of him and Armin almost collapsed on the bed, inhaling and exhaling like crazy.

''I can't- I can't breathe,'' he exclaimed as he squeezed his hand over his heart.

His chest was rising and lowering at an alarming path, which made him panic even more. The feeling of lacking oxygen was getting stronger and stronger with each second. He didn't even realise that Levi was kneeling in front of him, on the ground.

''Armin,'' Levi called out, ''Armin listen to me, you need to calm down.''

''I can't breathe,'' Armin repeated hysterically.

''Armin, look at me,'' Levi said, actually having to place one of his hands on Armin's face so that he would stop fidgeting.

''I- I can't-''

Tears were streaming down his face. He wasn't even sure when he started crying, but it was pouring like crazy, dripping on his chest and legs and also on Levi's hand. A buzzing noise filled his head, and it felt like he couldn't even see anything anymore. He needed oxygen but no matter how quickly he breathed in, he was suffocating. His head was so light. This must have been what death felt like.

''Armin,'' Levi's voice remained calm, ''you are breathing.''

He couldn't answer but shook his head, still trying to take as much air in as he could but feeling like it was all a huge failure, almost as if his lungs were pierced or somehow disconnected from his throat.

''You've got to try to stop for a second,'' the gentle voice spoke again.

Armin tried to move away when Levi's hand covered his mouth, but he had no choice and no strength to resist. He let out a desperate whine before he was physically refrained from breathing. It lasted for more than one second, and it was extremely frightening, but suddenly, the struggle was gone, and Armin realised that he was actually over oxygenated and could go for a while without having to breathe again.

After five seconds, Levi moved his hand away.

''Breathe with me,'' he said, ''in, out...''

He instructed Armin on when to do it and set a slow path, making sure that the blond boy was following him. Armin was so lightheaded that everything seemed unreal. He had to breathe in through his mouth, because his nose was completely blocked from crying. Slowly, he went back to normal.

Levi was still kneeling in front of him and looking at him with concerned eyes, his hands resting gently on Armin's thighs.

''See, you're breathing just fine. You're alright.''

Armin blinked a few times and found the strength to nod, licking his lips nervously as tears were still dripping on his face. He tightened his fists as he had to overcome the painful realisation that he just had a panic attack during sex. He remembered Jean asking if he was okay, and how he replied so affirmatively that yes, he was.

Who was he trying to fool?

''I'm sorry,'' was all that he could say.

Levi rolled his eyes in a way that Armin couldn't interpret. He sniffed loudly and Levi got up to give him a tissue, then he just sat next to him, not saying a word. He looked both slightly jaded and sad, which was a weird mix to see on him. Armin wiped his face as best as he could and then turned towards him, half expecting to be told to go back to the dormitory.

''I told you,'' Levi said a bit harshly, ''it might be what you want but it's not what you need.''

The captain let his body sink onto the bed, placing his arm behind his head. From where he was, he could see the starry sky outside the window, which made Armin turn his head to observe it as well.

''I really didn't think it impacted me that much,'' Armin whispered, his gaze zoning out.

Levi's quiet voice replied: ''Nobody does until they give into it.''

It took a few second for the information to click into Armin's brain. When it did, he blinked a few times and looked at Levi a bit hesitantly.

''You've been there, haven't you..?''

It was pretty clear. Levi knew what he was talking about. He didn't even get confused by Armin's panic attack. He probably didn't know what had triggered Armin exactly, and he didn't ask either, because he just understood what he was going through. His grey eyes locked into Armin's, cold and harsh.

''It's not a happy story,'' he stated.

''I want to know...'' Armin said softly.

But Levi shook his head.

''Yeah, when you tell me yours.''

Armin almost chuckled ironically. Levi knew that he didn't want to share, so it was just going to end there. They sat there in silence for a while. Armin's mind felt very blank, oddly enough. It was very soothing, in a way.

He ended up laying down next to Levi, and was actually surprised when the captain extended his arm and guided Armin so that his head was laying on him. They stayed like that for a bit longer, Levi gently brushing Armin's arm with his fingers. Armin did the same with his hand on Levi's chest, drawing little circles or tracing some of the scars.

He lost track of how long they did that, but it must have been hours because the moon was high up in the sky. It was surprising that Levi didn't send him back to the dormitory, was he still expecting it to happen? After a while, Armin decided to try and figure it out by caressing Levi's lower belly, getting further and further until the captain would say something.

''You still want to do it?''

Levi's voice sounded slightly surprised.

''I always want to do it.''

''Always?''

Armin raised his body so that he could look into Levi's eyes and said with the deepest sincerity: ''Literally always. I want you.''

It was true.  Armin would have never thought that he'd be so interested in sex, he never had time to stop and ponder about it before. But ever since Levi approached him and had him taste what it was like, Armin could never get enough.

Levi shifted so that he could be on top of him, as he was lying in bed.

"Then will you be a good boy for me, Armin?" he asked with sensuality in his voice.

Oh. The praising kink. It made Armin feel both excited and worried. He did tell Levi that it was too much for him. Sometimes it felt like this was more of Levi's thing than it was Armin's, but that he just wouldn't admit it.   
  
"Don't make me cum twice this time," Armin said bitterly.  
  
"Relax, sweet thing," Levi chuckled.

He was going to lean in for a kiss, but the blond boy stopped him.  
  
"Levi, I'm serious," he insisted.  
  
Levi seemed to tick when he heard his name being used but he didn't look annoyed or upset. His hand went from Armin's cheek to tucking some of his hair behind his ear.  
  
"Have I ever done something to you that you didn't want me to?" he whispered.  
  
Armin shook his head.  
  
"Then why are you worried?"  
  
Armin felt very emotional and he didn't know exactly why. He put his head on Levi's wrist, looking for his words, thinking fast. After one second or two he stared back at Levi and breathed: "I'm not worried, I trust you."  
  
As soon as he was done talking, Levi went down for a kiss. The kiss quickly became passionate and soon they were making out.   
  
"Good," Levi said in between two kisses, "my sweet little boy."

Armin hardly swallowed, trying to stay calm and to stop his heart from beating so fast. He kept telling himself:  _don't fall for him, don't fall for him just because he's being kind, you know it's just about sex._

But it was hard not to feel anything when Levi's hands on him were so gentle, when his words were carefully picked to strike his heart just in the right place, and when he looked so genuinely concerned about Armin's pleasure.

He wanted to accept all the kindness, but it was hard to give in because he was so close from falling that it was getting dangerous. It reminded him of times when he was trained to use his ODM gear. The first time he was asked to jump off of a cliff, Armin felt like he was doing to die. He knew his equipment was in place, he knew that when he jumped, he would be just fine, but it still felt like committing suicide, in a way.

He was unusually thoughtful during their lovemaking, but Levi didn't say a thing, until it came to that one part of sex.

''You're clenching,'' he whispered in Armin's ear.

Armin couldn't really turn around to see the captain's eyes. He was laying on his stomach, Levi on top of him with his buttcheeks spread, and he could feel the pressure building around his intimate area.

''Don't you like it tight?'' Armin joked sarcastically.

Levi's voice suddenly sounded more serious:  ''It's not the same thing, you're not letting me in.''

He didn't know how right he was, actually. It took Armin a few seconds to relax and empty his mind, so that they could continue. In the end, they managed to make love like they had the previous day, but once it was over and Levi told Armin that they were done, he couldn't help a little voice in his head telling him that things were getting dangerous, especially because he felt sad to not be able to stay for longer.

As he was walking back to the dormitory, Armin's mind had that sentence on repeat:  _''I'm not in love, I'm not in love, I'm not in love...''_

He repressed the nice feelings as hard as he could, but it still took a while for him to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter did not disappoint! As I said I'm not saying that rape roleplay is a good/bad thing, it's just not for Armin in that particular context and particular story (I could totally write something where he's into it and everything's fine lol). At this point I'm just dying for Levi and Armin to fall in love but they're taking their time, I don't even decide anymore they just write themselves lmao!!! I've got notes for until chapter 11 so we're in for quite a ride I guess lol


	9. Chapter 9

''So how's your thing?'' Hange asked with a huge smile.

Of course. They always had to ask that kind of questions when they were doing paperwork. Levi shouldn't have been surprised, he knew them, after all.

''Don't call him that,'' he groaned, ''it's disrespectful.''

Ironically, it reminded him of what Armin had told him, that he wanted to be his  _thing_ . He wondered if somehow, Hange had learnt about it one way or another, because it was weird that they'd pick that exact word. Then he remembered that they did it before.

Levi put one of the papers away and noticed that Hange wasn't working at all. Instead, they were staring at him with a funny look on their face, which actually irritated Levi.

''What?!'' he barked.

Hange's smile got even bigger: ''Sounds like you care about this one.''

''Huh,'' Levi chuckled, rolling his eyes, ''Please.''

He shook his head and then looked away, really annoyed by Hange's words.

''I didn't mean it in a disrespectful way though,'' Hange moaned while stretching noisily.

Levi simply raised his eyebrows, not even looking at them. He had his eyes focussed on his paper. Somehow, it bugged him that they called Armin that, especially now that he knew what Armin had had to go through and had literally been treated as a thing before.

''Awww Levi, are you mad at me?'' Hange whined again in a silly way.

The captain struck her with a jaded look and threw a pile of documents in front of her, mumbling: ''You know I'm not. You're just wrong about this, I'm not feeling anything towards him.''

Hange usually understood if Levi took the time to explain, but they still looked like they didn't entirely trust Levi's judgement. They took a few of the papers but only pretended to look at it, as their brain was already coming up with more questions.

''If you say so,'' Hange said, shrugging, ''so you don't really care about him then?''

Levi shrugged, his eyes stuck on the document he was reading: ''You want him in your bed? Go ahead, he's not my property.''

Hange laughed, knowing that Levi was only bluffing and that if they would actually try and seduce Armin, he wouldn't be okay with it. At least, it was their theory.

''You loved Petra though, didn't you?''   
  
Levi winced when he heard her name. He knew that it was useless to get mad at Hange though. They were curious, had always been, and would always be. The best way to get out of it was to answer the question. Hange never told anybody else what Levi would admit when they were alone, he trusted them. So he sighed and shook his head.

''I don't do love, I just care for people deeply.''

Hange literally gasped, raising a hand to his face and asked with a high pithed voice: ''Do you care deeply for me?!''

Levi rolled his eyes, knowing that if he'd say no, Hange would just roll in a ball in cry in a corner.

''I do,'' he said with a voice colder than necessary, ''but I also want you to stop minding my business.''

Hange laughed again: ''You know I won't.'' They rested their face on their hand for a bit, looking very interested in Levi. ''So you've just... Never been in love?''

''I cared for Petra, I enjoyed her company and I miss her,'' Levi mumbled, not looking at Hange in the eyes, ''but I wouldn't say I loved her. Same goes for Armin.''

Hange laughed:  ''You're a fascinating person, really.''

''Hange,'' Levi sighed, genuinely tired, ''it's late, can you please do your part of work so we can be done before d-...''

He was cut off by a muffled sound coming from the hallway. Instinctively, Hange and Levi stopped what they were doing, and their heads turned towards the open door of the office they were in. The sounds of bare feet on the ground amplified, no doubt about it, someone was running.

The silhouette flashed and was gone before Levi or Hange had time to react.

''Wasn't that Armin?'' Hange questioned in confusion.

Levi opened his mouth but didn't answer. He waited for a bit to see if anyone was following, but the scene was completely silent, so he got up and glanced at Hange. They shrugged and said with an amused smile: ''Well, go! Go take care of your thing.''

Levi rolled his eyes once again and left the room. The corridor was empty, only lit up by a few candles on the walls. It must have been near 2am, and normally all of the soldiers were fast asleep. He followed the corridor until the bathroom and there he found Armin. Judging by the noise coming from the cabin and the fact that the door wasn't even closed, it was easy to figure what was going on in there.

Levi approached to find Armin with his head almost buried in the toilet seat. Normally, he wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere near such a scene, but the thought of Armin's hair being dirtied with vomit made him hysterical, so he rushed over to grab the blond boy's hair and held it in a ponytail.

Armin's body was shaken by spasms as he vomited. As soon as he was done, he coughed a bit and tried to look back to see who saved his hair from the catastrophe.

''It's you,'' he murmured, his face all wet from tears and sweat, with puffy eyes and a red nose.

''Not feeling well, are we?'' Levi replied with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Armin shook his head, sitting down on his knees. He quickly wiped his face with toilet paper but it still looked very messy.

''Jean and Connie had a cold, now it's my turn,'' he explained, ''you shouldn't stay near me or you'll catch it too.''

Levi sighed, almost amused.

''Don't worry about me, cadet, I don't get sick.''

He watched as Armin's hand reached for the lever to flush the toilet. He was still holding his hair because his face was so goddamn filthy. If anyone would see them like that, it'd be suspicious, and he knew that, but still, he couldn't help himself.

''Come on, let's get your face clean,'' he said as he helped Armin back on his feet.

There was something oddly satisfying about taking care of it, fixing the mess. But then again, Levi liked to clean, so he didn't overthink it. It took a while for Armin to stop feeling nauseous, even after he completely emptied his stomach. Levi encouraged him to drink some water and made him brush his teeth at least three times. When Armin was finally ready to go back to his room, Levi suddenly pulled him aside, in a dark corner of one of the corridors, and hugged him tight, almost aggressively.

''Captain,'' Armin whispered, not daring to use his name outside of the bedroom, ''not here-...''

''I just want to hold you for a minute,'' Levi interrupted him, squeezing him tightly, ''it's been a few days, I couldn’t go too long without your body.''

Armin couldn't deny it, he had missed Levi's body too. As well as his voice and his smell. He considered himself really lucky that the captain was interested in him that way. Sometimes it was almost too good to be true, to be desired by such a powerful man.

''I'm sorry,'' Armin whispered, “I really have not been feeling well lately...''

''Just come whenever you feel better,'' Levi concluded before letting him go.

Before they stepped back, they stared into each other's eyes for a second. It was almost an accident, but they kissed, as if it was natural.

Levi accompanied him until the door and then he made his way alone, in the dark room, in between his friends. When he sat on his bed and pulled the blanket on his lap, he felt very light-headed, as if what happened wasn't real.

It felt oddly romantic. It shouldn't have been.

Things were getting really problematic.

.

.

.

It took another two days for Armin to fully recover. Sleeping in a dormitory meant that everyone was more or less in contact with everyone else, which meant the diseases spread between all of them, except for Eren who probably couldn't get sick because of his titan abilities.

During those two days, Armin had spent a lot of time in his bed, feverishly overthinking his relationship with Levi, and nothing good came out of it. Still, as soon as he felt better, he headed towards Levi's room at the same time as usual. He tried to be as discreet as he could and kept telling himself that the reason why he wanted to see Levi so badly was only because he missed the sex. It was true anyway.

Once Armin was in front of Levi's door, he realised that it was locked. Strange. Levi should have been expecting him, after all he did say to come whenever he felt better. Maybe he was just away?

He knocked on the door, softly calling: ''Captain, are you here?''

He could still make up an excuse if anyone else heard him. Nobody answered, which was strange because he could see the light of candles underneath the door. So he stood there for a while, wondering what was going on. Inevitably, bad scenarios played in his head. What if Levi fell asleep in the bathtub and drowned? What if he was unconscious for whatever reason?

What if he was with somebody else...?

That last thought really made Armin feel strange. He wouldn't exactly be jealous, but definitely disappointed that Levi didn't say anything or give him a warning. Like  _''don't come tonight because I'll be fucking someone else'_ '. Yeah, sounded like him.

Armin knocked again, and when nothing happened, he decided that he had enough and that it was Levi's fault for not letting him know what was going on. Without much hesitation, he grabbed the tissues he kept in his pocket and spread it below the door. He wasn't wearing his ODM gear, but he had some clips on him that were used to tighten it. He took one and pushed it in the lock. Just a few seconds later, he heard a tinkling sound; the key fell on the tissue that he'd put on the ground. He just had to drag it underneath the door and the key was his.

With that, Armin unlocked the door and entered the cold room. He was surprised to not see Levi anywhere but quickly realised that the bathroom's door was open. He locked back the door that he'd just open and softly called: ''Captain Levi, are you there?''

He was surprised to hear a very faint groan in response.

''Levi?'' he said again, finally popping his head in the bathroom.

Then he understood why the captain hadn't open the door; he found him kneeling in front of the toilet, looking like he was about to throw his guts up. Armin was almost relieved to find him like that, but a part of him immediately felt sorry for his captain. Now he was the one that was sick.

''How did you get in here?'' Levi asked with a deep voice, not even looking at him.

This made Armin shiver a bit uncomfortably: ''Should I leave?''

Levi raised his head and looked at the blond boy like he was about to say something, but suddenly, his chest had a spasm and he bended forward. At the same time, he moved his arm towards Armin as if he was looking for something so catch. Armin didn't think, he instinctively moved forward and let Levi's hand wrap around his arm, squeezing him tightly as he vomited.

Armin held him as best as he could, pushing some of his hair away from the captain's forehead. Then he waited patiently. He'd been there just a few days before, so he knew how bad that felt.

''You...'' Levi said breathlessly between two spasms, ''you shouldn't be seeing me like that...''

''Don't be ridiculous,'' Armin said with a gentle tone, softly stroking Levi's hair, ''I'm here for you just like you're here for me.''

He could see that Levi really wanted to respond but couldn't because his body wouldn't stop puking.

Of course, Armin knew that their relationship should have stayed purely sexual and that they should have avoided caring for each other that way. But what was he supposed to do when Levi was looking so vulnerable and needy? Was he genuinely supposed to just walk away and leave him be? He couldn't do that, that would break his heart.

Maybe that's what Levi felt when he helped him out just a few days ago...

''This is fucking hell,'' Levi swore angrily as a stripe of saliva dropped from his mouth, ''I fucking hate this, it's so nasty.''

Armin was slowly realising that for Levi, vomiting was the end of the world. For Armin, it was just a bad moment and he felt better when it was over. For Levi, this was the peak of dirtiness and he was enduring each second of it as if it were torture.

''It's okay,'' he tried to reassure Levi, ''it'll be over soon.''

He grabbed a towel so that he could help Levi to wipe his face in between each spasm. He couldn't say much and looked really overwhelmed by the situation. It really contrasted with his usual self; Levi was always in control. But not this time. He almost seemed lost, frightened, and genuinely looked at Armin with grateful eyes when he helped him to get clean.

Armin knew how important cleanliness was to Levi, so when it was all over and the captain moved to be sitting against the wall, he naturally started to scrub and clean the toilets as well as he could. Levi just sat there in silence, too tired and overwhelmed to say anything.

Armin was actually surprised that Levi let him in in such a vulnerable moment. It was another thing that he knew he was going to overthink every damn night from now on. Levi, on the other hand, seemed quite peaceful at that moment. When Armin was done cleaning, he helped him up and gave him a glass of water.

Levi's eyes looked down for a bit, then up, as if he was thinking of something. After a bit, he simply said: ''Thank you.''

Armin nodded as if it was normal, but he felt all fuzzy inside. It might have been the first time that Levi sincerely thanked him. This would have never happened just a few weeks ago. Levi would have kicked him out, he wouldn't have let him take care of him, he wouldn't have let him see him like that.

''You need to go.''

Armin was almost relieved when he heard those words. Levi was staring at him with cold ice eyes, as they should have been. Maybe he realised how intimate they were and how it shouldn't be that way.

Just before he could leave, Levi grabbed his wrist and quickly whispered in his ear: ''Tomorrow night.''

No more words were needed.

.

.

.

_''It's just sex, it's just sex, it's just sex,'_ ' Armin repeated to himself as he pushed the door open, the night after.

Once he was in there, everything felt strangely familiar, in a way that Armin would have never thought possible. Levi's gaze on his body, the way the candles made their shadows dance on the wall, the smell of lavender and mint tea... It was all too comforting.

"So what do you have in mind for tonight?" Levi asked as he removed his own top.

His pale skin and strong muscles mesmerized Armin for a bit. He let his gaze go over the body that he'd miss so much before shaking his head. He looked back in Levi's eyes and blinked, not understanding why Levi acted like he wasn't the one in charge.

  
"Oh come on," the captain ended up saying, seeing as Armin was confused, "you always come up with new things you want to try. Don't tell me you haven't thought of anything this time."

  
  
"I... I hadn't realised that I'm doing that," Armin let out, his voice shaking a bit.

Of course, Levi sensed that something was wrong. He was undoing his belt but stopped and came closer to Armin. He caressed his cheek with his fingertips and softly said: "Why the sad face? If I didn't like it, you'd know it by now."

  
  
"I haven't got anything in mind, that's all."

''You don't even look like you want sex anymore.''

The words were like a knife that pierced Armin right in the heart. His eyes widened and all of a sudden, he looked very panicked.

''No, I do! Please don't say that, I do,'' he assured, ''I really do, I swear I-...''

Levi didn't expect him to react so energetically, so he immediately put his hands Armin’s arms to soothe him down.

''Right, calm down. I just thought that maybe you were not feeling comfort-''

''What is it like to receive oral?'' the blond boy suddenly blurted.

Levi blinked a few times, but he knew that Armin's mind was sometimes jumping from one idea to the other very quickly so he ended up replying: ''Do you want to see?''

Armin seemed to ponder for a moment but in the end, he nodded. He didn't say a word, as if he was unable to speak. Levi rolled him onto the bed and quickly settled in a comfortable position. It took a while for Armin's heartbeat to come back to normal. Levi took a mental note of not saying such a thing ever again. He knew that Armin wanted sex – he just wanted to draw a reaction out of him, but maybe that one was too much. It was flattering to see how important sleeping with him was for Armin.

After a lot of making out, and slow undressing, Levi thought it was the right moment to go down on Armin. He dragged his body on the edge of the bed and then kneeled in front of him. A quick eye contact with the blond boy made him unsure if this was the right thing to do, though. Armin looked very apprehensive. He wasn't sure why, giving or receiving oral had never been a big deal for Levi, but Armin had made it clear since their very first intercourse that this wasn't his thing.

He spread Armin's knees, but was met with a slight resistance. When he approached his face from his crotch, he felt the boy's body jump, as Armin's breath accelerated – and not in a way it should have.

Levi decided that he didn't need any more signals that this wasn't okay to do. He went back onto the bed and kissed Armin instead. The blue eyes looked at him as if they were grateful that it didn't happen.

The whole thing had been strange, but Levi didn't overthink it. He just carried on as usual, getting on with more foreplay before penetration. When he was ready, he asked Armin which position seemed like the best and the blond boy stood on four at the edge of the bed.

It might not have been the first time that they had sex, but it was like rediscovering it every time. Armin definitely felt good and he was damn sexy. His body was flawless, with very few scars and smooth skin that drove Levi crazy. He even felt his dick twitch with pleasure when Armin let out a gasp once the dick was fully inside of him.

  
  
Levi was always attentive to the sounds he was making. He paused for a bit and used one of his hands to pull some of Armin's hair back, gently tucking it behind his ear.

  
  
Then Armin turned his head slightly and they managed to make eye contact for a bit.

  
  
"Feels good," he whispered.

  
  
"Just how it should."

And there, with Levi's eyes locked in his as he was buried deep inside of him, his fingers wrapping around Levi's hands, with all of these, Armin felt like the connection was a lot deeper than what he thought. Sex was meant to be intimate, but there was something else. Something in Levi's eyes, like a glow, a sparkle. Something in the way he was holding him, touching him, something that was closer to making love than sex.

He was glad that for once, he wasn't laying on the bed but standing on his knees instead. He found the position to be more animalistic, more appropriate for what they should have been doing. It also allowed Levi to pound him harder. He didn't need to be cocooned and reassured any more - he was no longer a shy virgin in need of a tender partner. He could literally be fucked now, and he wanted to.

So, he pushed back every time Levi was thrusting inside of him, moving his hips in a way that made him feel good, focused on the nice feelings. At this point, Levi was almost like a sex doll for him, as he was only thinking of his own pleasure.

He came quickly. Levi asked if he could continue for a bit, and he didn't say no, even if at this point, he just wanted to get it over and done with.

Once it was all over, he looked up at Levi, waiting for the usual ''we're done'', but the words never came. The more they did it, the longer Armin would stay in Levi's room. If they carried on like that, he would soon spend the entire night there, which Armin did not want to, since that would be crossing a line.

But he also knew that he wasn't the one in charge of how much time they spent together.

Armin's head was laying on Levi's chest as he was drawing little circles above his belly button. He knew that the captain wasn't sleeping because of the way he was breathing, and also because of the fact that he never slept anyway.

''You know, about what I said last time,'' he whispered, ''about Eren growing away from me...'' There he paused for a bit, but Levi didn't say anything, so he continued: ''I do mind. I wish Eren would look at me like he used to. When he still cared. But there's nothing I can do about that. I mean... What can you do if someone stops giving you attention?''

''I don't know,'' Levi shrugged, ''I don't put myself in such situation so I don't have to deal with that shit.''

And that's when it hit Armin. Levi was a lonely person. He wasn't alone, but he was lonely.

Armin didn't care that people would enter his own life and then leave without a goodbye. He'd still embrace any relationship he'd come across. Even when he realised that with Eren, he was condemned to drift apart someday, he still held his hand, shared his dreams and hopes, sought for his presence and so on. It didn't matter that each day that passed by, Eren cared less and less about him, it didn't take away all the good that their friendship brought to Armin.

And even if one day, they would look at each other like complete strangers, that wouldn't change anything.

Levi was different.

The reason was unknown to Armin. He could only witness from afar, and there was nothing he could do about it. All he knew was that he couldn't fall in love with Levi because that was not the kind of story that ends up well.

Thankfully, he wasn't in love yet, but he was so close. Levi was simply treating him in a nice way. The kind of way that would have anyone fall in love with him. Armin's thoughts drifted towards Petra, and he wondered if she went through the same thing as him.

His whole body felt relaxed. He'd never notice how comfy his bed was before, it was like the blanket was softer, the pillows were fluffier. It had to be the strongest after glow Armin had so far. He pulled the blanket up until his chin, quickly glancing at Eren next to him, who was sleeping peacefully, then he closed his eyes.

  
  
A few corridors across the dormitory, Levi's eyes were wide open. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep that night either.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the spicy scene of this chapter while listening to the song 'closer' by n u a g e s. I think I'm in love with it, honestly, so I thought I'd share in case anyone is interesed!

It was about dinner time, but Armin wasn't hungry. He was rarely hungry lately, maybe because he was thinking too much about one thing in particular. He still made his way into the kitchen, hoping that he'd get a chance to spend some time with Eren, if he wasn't God knows where.

He put on a smile on his face when he recognized Hange's silhouette, who was coming towards him.

''Hey Armin, any fun plans for tonight?'' they said with the biggest smile when they were close enough.

They winked in a way that made Armin understand. He turned his head, trying to hide the fact that he felt slightly disturbed. For a bit there, he was walking on autopilot, only his brain processing what just happened.

So Hange knew. And they didn't seem to have a problem with it. Which meant that probably, Levi knew that Hange knew. Was he the one who told them?

That thought made Armin raise an eyebrow.

He barely even remembered his own name as he pushed the door and walked to over to Jean, Sasha and Connie, greeting them a bit mechanically. Eren was nowhere to be seen, once again and Mikasa was sitting with another group of people. Once again, Armin ate so slowly that he wasn't even halfway done when Sasha and Connie finished. They left the table after telling the others where they were heading to, but Armin's brain didn't register the information.

Now that he was alone with Jean though, it was easy to aim the discussion on things that were bothering him. He didn't have to do much actually. Jean started talking about all the friends they lost since they joined the military and from there Armin simply mentioned Petra.

''Oh yeah,'' Jean said, ''she wanted to get married to the captain, from what I heard.''

''She... What?''

Armin was genuinely surprised, all this time he knew about Petra and the bond that she had with the captain, but that, he had never heard of.

''Yeah I know right,'' Jean laugehd, ''who would want to marry captain Levi, honestly.''

''It's not that,'' Armin said, ''To each their own but if I were her, I'd never hope that Levi would say yes. And it'd be really embarrassing if he’d refuse.''

''Yeah damn,'' the other boy laughed again, ''can you imagine being rejected that bad and still having hopes. Hey, Mikasa!''

Armin shook his head seeing how Jean was now running towards Mikasa. A lost cause is a lost cause! But it didn't make him feel any better. He took Petra's position but he knew that what she wanted to do wasn't right. He felt second-hand embarrassment just by thinking of how Petra was going to propose to Levi, and he'd reject her, because, in Armin's perspective, there was not a single chance that Levi would ever say yes to such a thing.

.

.

.

''Hange knows about us,'' he said casually while undoing the laces of his right boot.

In front of him, Levi casually threw his jacket on a nearby chair, which somehow landed in a perfectly folded position. He then raised an eyebrow, coming closer to the bed where Armin was sitting.

''Don't panic like that,'' he shrugged, ''it's not like we can hide that kind of stuff from them. they have a sixth sense.''

''I'm not panicking,'' Armin protested, ''I'm actually really calm.''

''You always look chill like that but I know you're panicking inside,'' Levi said with a very faint smile.

He seemed almost amused, but Armin wasn't. He didn't like the turn that things were taking.

''Maybe we should stop,'' he spoke, without even believing in it himself.

Somehow, his heartbeat got faster. He couldn't even look at Levi and bent forward a bit so that his blond hair would act like a shield.

''You're overreacting,'' Levi said sharply, but not in an angry way, ''they know but they don't care. If anything they're happy for you – you're a lucky one.''

''I'm serious...''

This time, Levi stopped undressing himself. He was about to take his top off, but he let it slide back on his chest and looked for Armin's eyes. His hand reached for the blond boy's face and he forced his chin up so that their gaze could meet.

''So am I. You've got nothing to worry about. Even if they told Erwin, he doesn't care either. As long as none of the cadets know and that our superiors don't care, why would we have to stop?''

_''Because I'm falling in love with you,''_ Armin thought. ''I guess you're right,'' he said.

Armin knew that trying to end things was foolish. Deep down, he didn't want it to end. Maybe some part of him was dying to fall in love and that's what was pushing him farther and father to the edge of the chasm. But the main reason why he couldn't end things was that he didn't have the power to. Levi was the one saying when it was over, not him.

''You're so tense, come here...''

He let Levi wrap his hand on his neck and apply pressure in specific points. Instantly, Armin's chest released air that he didn't even know he was holding. Levi slowly crawled onto the bed and around him so that he could access his back and shoulders.

Armin had never been given a proper massage, not that he remembered anyway. It felt better than anything else, possibly even better than sex, to the point that he found it hard to stay seated and could have fallen asleep. His muscles felt so relaxed that the annoying, overthinking part of his brain disconnected from the rest. He turned around and reached for Levi's lips, initiating a passionate kiss.

Levi pushed Armin on the bed, and they both fell on their sides and kept on kissing for a while, their hands dancing over each other's bodies. After a moment, Armin shifted because he wasn't feeling comfortable and Levi moved on his back, which gave an opportunity for Armin to actually be on top. He quickly put a leg over his partner's body and leaned in for a kiss. His hands naturally went on Levi's belly, caressing the muscles and the scars from the bottom and slowly making their ways to the top.

  
  
Levi didn't resist and let Armin lead the kiss, all he did was pushing Armin's hair out of his face by tucking it into a mini pony tail that he was holding himself.

  
  
Then, Armin sensed something that was feeling different under his fingers. He raised his head slightly and glanced at a particularly bad scar on Levi's left shoulder. It started from the top of the shoulder and fell into his side, under his armpit. Armin then looked at the right side of Levi's body which, in comparison, looked very authentic, untouched. He wasn't really thinking when he pushed Levi's left arm up, and Levi actually let him move his flesh as he wished.

  
  
Only listening to his impulse, Armin put his lip on the top of the shoulder, where the scar would have been if it was symmetric, and slowly, tenderly kissed the skin. He gave another kiss right underneath, following the invisible scar. Sometimes, he could feel Levi shivering as he did so.

  
  
When Armin got nearer to the actual armpit, he started kissing his way around it, expecting Levi to stop him since it probably was ticklish, but then again Levi didn't.

  
  
"Not ticklish, uh?"

  
  
"Not quite so."

  
  
Armin kept on kissing the soft skin, feeling overwhelmed by Levi's lavender smell. He couldn't help but to kiss him on the lips, missing the soft, tender feeling. They made out passionately.

After a bit, he sat up, riding Levi and looking down at his face. He was panting, his hair all over the place, wet lips and hazy eyes. Armin took a moment to observe that picture that he never got to see, not even daring to touch it. Levi caught his breath, cold eyes meeting with his...

  
  
"Feeling out place yet?" he asked with a sort of authority that was familiar.

  
  
Armin could feel Levi's chest raising and going down slowly under his hands. His shy fingers brushed the skin slightly. It felt surreal.

  
  
"Hm... A bit," he said in a very quiet voice. "Is it unpleasant?"

  
  
Levi seemed to consider things for a moment. He didn't reply in the end, Armin bent over to kiss him softly. Since he has no way to escape, Levi just went with it and had to accept the kiss.

  
  
When Armin was done, he kissed the corner of Levi's lips and then went down to his chin and neck. Levi didn't make a noise, but his chest raised and lower at a faster path. Armin got back up, looking at him from above and tucking a bit of his blond hair behind his ear, while his other hand caressed the other boy's face, right where he just kissed him. His thumb went over to the corner of the mouth and caressed the lips. Levi still gave no reaction.

  
  
"Would you let me..?" Armin risked.

  
  
Levi remained silent for a bit longer, but Armin could feel his heart beating under his hand.

"Would you let me do this to you, Levi?" he asked again, his voice a bit more assured.

Levi turned his face away, scooping Armin's hand at the same time so it would be all over his cheek.

  
  
"Yes," he whispered.

  
  
Armin did his best to hide his surprise. He instantly felt his blood rushing through his body. A part of him knew that doing this was crossing a line. Levi was not the type to bottom for anybody, obviously it took a deep connection and a lot of trust for him to give himself to another man. Another part of Armin just screamed: '' _It's about time that things get even!_ ''

Things got even worse when Levi grabbed Armin's hand and guided it to his mouth to give it a soft kiss, never breaking eye contact and whispering: ''You can have me, whenever you want.''

Was it a dream? It sure felt like one. Armin didn't even know that this was something he wanted to do until now. He never dared thinking about such a thing.

''What if I want you right now?'' he asked.

''Then you can take me, right now.''

Then again, Levi didn't break eye contact. He was lying down and seemed relaxed and not giving any signs that he was hesitant or having second thoughts. He really trusted Armin, and Armin was really touched to witness it.

"I'll make it feel good for you," he said.

  
  
"You better," Levi replied in an almost threatening way, and then pulled on the blond hair, slightly aggressively, making him bend down for a kiss.

It felt like Levi needed the kiss, so Armin didn't resist and let him lead it. In the meantime, his hands caressed Levi's chest and went further down until he could undo his pants. Once it was open, they both sat up and undressed each other while kissing from time to time. Armin was a bit more eager to get naked than Levi, who seemed thoughtful.

''You know, I was wondering,'' he whispered as Armin was pulling on his sock, ''were you interested in me before we started sleeping together?''

There was something strange about Levi asking open questions about how Armin was feeling, but he tried to ignore it.

''I never thought of you in a sexual way before you kissed me,'' he said with honesty, ''but as soon as you suggested that we'd have sex, I was turned on by the idea.''

Levi was not moving much anymore. He let Armin strip him naked and asked again: ''Were you more turned on than nervous when we had our first time?''

''Definitely.''

There was something in Levi's voice, like a glimpse of vulnerability, that felt like it was really crossing a line. But it was too late for Armin to stop. He couldn't just walk away, not with Levi's dick in his hand as he was pushing the captain back onto the bed.

''I was... I was really cold with you,'' Levi murmured, ''were you scared?''  
  
Armin refused to look at him in the eyes, but he knew he had to answer. He put some of his hair behind his ear – Levi would do that to him sometimes, so maybe that's where he got it from. He slowly kissed Levi's neck while stroking him.

''Never,'' he then replied, without any hesitation, ''it didn't matter that you were cold. I know you would never hurt me. Are you scared right now?''

He raised his head to see Levi's reaction, but the captain was just staring at the ceiling.

''No... Just a bit nervous I guess.''

Armin was tempted to tell him that if it was too much, they could just stop. But unlike Levi, he was careful with the words coming out of his mouth and with what they meant. He bit his lips, hoping that Levi knew that he could just tell him to stop, and that he would do it if it was too overwhelming. He knew that Levi had been sexually abused, and although he didn't know the details, he kept in mind that there was a possibility he'd do something triggering.

That made him regret that they couldn't share freely. It would have been better to be completely and fully aware of Levi's traumas, their cause and the consequences, before they would actually have sex. But it wasn't the kind of relationship they had... So they both had to deal with it.

All that Armin could do was to take it slow and hope that if he'd do anything wrong, he'd either notice or Levi would stop him before it was too late. A part of him was really excited about trying out being a top, and another part was nervous about messing it up.

He tried to shush the voices in his head by going down on Levi, which he hadn't done much so far. Levi didn't protest one bit and was actually even slightly louder than he usually was. He wasn't really moaning but little noises of pleasure were audible now and then. He didn't say anything either when Armin's tongue went lower and lower until he reached his butthole. Armin himself didn't know that he had the guts to do such a thing, but Levi was always so clean and smelling so good that nothing about giving him a rim job seemed disgusting.

It was actually thrilling to try to do something that his partner probably didn't expect. So far, all the new things that Armin wanted to try still put him in a passive position. He felt butterflies in his stomach when Levi put his hands in his blond hair, brushing it away from his face. God how he loved it when Levi would hold his hair like that.

He moved his head back, and he had to let go of him. They looked at each other for a bit and Levi was breathless like he never had been.

''You're hungry today,'' he said in a breath.

Armin smiled cheekily: ''I just wanted to taste.''

Levi smiled back, which felt very odd, yet paradoxically natural. Their relationship was weird, but Armin didn't want to stop to think about it. He felt all funny when he reached for the drawer and the usual bottle of lube. Extra lubrification couldn't be a bad thing, he thought. He poured some on his fingers and made eye contact with Levi to ensure that it was okay for him to do so. Levi was just staring at him with a neutral expression, so Armin judged that it was fine.

He pushed his index finger in until it was buried up the first knuckle, while slowly jerking his partner off. Levi had a strange moan and actually put his hand on Armin's wrist to guide the penetration himself, this way he decided how fast or slow things would go. Some part of Armin wanted to laugh at how Levi always had to be the one in control, but another part was just relieved because it meant that he wouldn't mess up.

Levi told him when to insert another finger and even when to look for the prostate. It was the first time that he'd be that vocal during sex, saying genuine things like  _''yes, touch me right here''_ or ' _'more, do more of that''_ . By the time he was fully prepared, Armin was rock hard. Levi understood that it was time to get to the next step, and so he positioned himself under Armin, spreading his legs, almost doing a split, actually. He was damn flexible.

Armin aligned his hips with Levi's entrance and was about to ask if he was ready, but Levi was the first one to talk.

''Wait,'' he said, ''can you be extra gentle? Please.''

His voice was barely audible, and Armin had to do a combination of lip reading and guessing to interpret what he had just said. He looked at his captain in the eyes, gently brushing his cheek with his fingertips.

''I'm not the rough type, Levi,'' he tried to reassure.

He still felt Levi's body stiffening when the tip of his penis pushed against his butthole. Armin licked his lips a bit nervously and paused like that for a bit. Forcing his way inside didn't seem like a great idea, especially when Levi seemed so worried about penetration. They kissed for a bit, their hands playing around Levi's erection. He eventually felt relaxed enough for Armin to slide his glans inside.

Levi didn't make a noise when it happened. After that, it was easy for Armin to penetrate him further and he was surprised to see that it only took one minute for him to be fully inside. Levi looked like he was completely relaxed.

Armin noted how Levi had a lot more self-control than he did. After all, it took them ages for him to be able to take a dick. It took Levi about five minutes. Well, he wasn't a virgin, but still.

From there, Armin let his body decide of how he should move, but he was still making sure to be gentle. Pounding was less natural than he'd thought. It felt really good, Levi was tight, and it was hard to prevent himself from slamming his penis back inside the hole as hard as he could every time he was getting it out a bit. His breath was very shaky, as he was obviously feeling a lot of pleasure and trying to remain quiet.

Then he heard something that surprised him. Levi actually moaned. A quiet moan, but a very sensual one, that sounded very genuine. Armin looked at him and he could see that he was actually blushing. At this moment, both of their brains disconnected, and they just kissed. They didn't even know for how long, but none of them wanted it to stop. Armin let his body sink on top of Levi's, so that he could feel his skin against his. He wasn't sure where he started and where he ended, and if the moans of pleasure were his or Levi's.

His penis was gently going in and out of the tight hole, he didn't even have to go fast in order to be overwhelmed with pleasure, and he knew Levi felt the same way, because when he raised his body so that he could see his face, Levi looked like he was high on sex. They looked at each other for a bit, in that position, until something changed inside of Levi's eyes.

''What are we doing?'' he said, shaking his head.

The question sounded empty, as if Levi himself didn't realise what was going, or which part of him pushed him to say that. It actually made Armin feel anxious. Since they started doing that, he knew that they shouldn't have been. He knew it was a bad idea, but he still indulged himself.

''Don't think,'' he ordered to both himself and Levi, ''You'll think later.''

Levi closed his eyes and let out another moan of pleasure as Armin's hips were connecting with his.

''Does it feel good?'' Armin asked, trying to bring back the focus on sex.

''Yeah,'' Levi breathed.

Armin did everything he could for this moment to last as long as possible. He kept himself from cumming for ages, he didn't even know that he could last that long. But eventually, it had to finish. Love making couldn't last for ever.

.

.

.

As soon as sex was over and that Armin pulled out, his brain hit him with all the bad thoughts that he pushed away.

As Levi rushed to the bathroom to get clean of the sperm inside of him, Armin sat on the bed and zoned out. It was too late, his brain was already going through everything that had happened ever since their first kiss and processing all of the information.

Firstly, Levi was not as pushy as he might have seemed. He always ensured that Armin wanted what was happening. He never asked for consent in a very direct way, but he he did let Armin know that he could leave whenever he wanted to, and more often than not, he was letting Armin lead or take the first steps.  
  
So there was that. Although it was a normal thing to expect from a partner... Levi could have forced him, if he wanted to. He could have pinned Armin on the ground and spread his legs and... Armin had to keep himself from fantasising anymore. The point was that Levi was respectful.  
  
But he was also caring. He made sure that Armin was ready before sex. He gave him a few days to cool down when he thought that what they did was too much for Armin to bear. He asked about the pain. He cleaned his wound. He asked about his life.  
  
Sure, all of these things were linked to sex. So far, it could have just been that Levi didn't want to break his sex doll.  
  
But then there was this one line that was crossed.  
  
_"I'd protect you."_

_And another one. ''Then you can take me, right now.''_   
  
Armin froze.  
  
Levi was respectful, and he cared. He was curious about Armin and trusted him. He was helping him dealing with traumas, listening to his desires and experimenting with him.

Wasn't he  _**constantly** _ crossing the line?

If it was truly just about sex, it should have been colder, harsher, with less feelings.

All of a sudden, Armin felt really confused. He didn't know what to think anymore. Everything was blurry and felt wrong. Armin couldn't keep on sleeping with Levi because they were heading right into a wall; they were too close to falling in love and that had to stop. This thought made his stomach drop but he knew he had to tone this relationship down.

"why do you look sad?" Levi asked, sitting down on the bed, skin wet from the shower he had just had.   
  
"Because I am," Armin replied with a sincerity that surprised himself.  
  
Levi didn't ask why he was sad, and Armin was glad for that, because otherwise he would have had to reply that it was because he knew that the end of their relationship was near. Because Levi was crossing the line more and more often to the point that he would soon realise that this needed to be stopped.  
  
But deep down he knew, it was no longer about sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could it get any more dramatic at this point!!! I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm not usually too fond of top!Armin but in this context, I'm not gonna lie, I gave myself butterflies xD Next update should be Tuesday, I hope y'all have a lovely weekend!!


	11. Chapter 11

From that moment, Armin thought about his relationship with Levi so much that it was eating him out. He barely slept, he barely ate, and he barely socialized, to the point that everyone more or less noticed that something wasn't right.

Of course, Levi noticed as well, but he didn't say anything. It wasn't like him to look out for what's wrong, he was the type to listen if you need to talk but wouldn't deliberately ask.

Since things were getting so complicated, Armin had to come to the conclusion that something needed to change. It took a few agonising days for him to admit that the relationship needed to be slowed down, if not completely stopped. This thought was killing him. He cried a lot, at any moment of the day and the night, thinking about how ending things would leave him basically purposeless, which was funny because he never felt that unhappy before, he was living a normal life.

Levi was similar to drug usage - you shouldn't taste it but once you have, you can't go back to what you used to be.

Armin was unsure if he was what people call ''in love''. He felt something strong for Levi but some part of him was still willing to let go. One thing he knew, though, was that if they carried on the same path, he would soon be completely, hopelessly falling for the captain, which would be a catastrophe for an endless list of reasons, the first one being that Levi would never love him back. Not in a romantic way. Levi just wasn't the type to fall in love, not for someone like Armin, with that!

Secondly, it would be a dead-end relationship anyway; where were they going with that? They would be a couple and then what? Get married? Buy a house together? Have children?! None of this was for Armin, let alone Levi. The relationship would never be more than what it already was, so that meant that Armin was just bound to never get anywhere near completion with it.

Thirdly and maybe most importantly, Levi was his superior and being in an official relationship with him would just make things  _weird_ . He'd rather not even think about this one, because it was too embarrassing.

He gave himself two weeks. Two weeks to end everything. He thought it was reasonable.

That's when they planned to go back to Shiganshina district then, during the new moon. Armin wasn't even sure to come back from there alive, so ending things just before they went seemed ideal, because then he could truly fight like he had nothing to lose.

But it was harder than expected.

Armin was rushing to put his pants back on, but at the same time, he was trying really hard to not appear as if he was rushing. His hands wanted to be done quickly but he had to control himself.  It was a good thing that he didn't need to go to the bathroom since he'd swallowed everything this time. When he was ready he got up and smiled: "Should I come back tomorrow?"  
  
"Are you in a hurry?" Levi asked plainly, still sitting on the bed.  
  
Armin expected the question. He raised his eyebrows with a curious expression on his face.  
  
"No, I'm not," he replied, as if it was natural for him to want to leave, as if he had nothing to hide.  
  
Now there would be two options; either Levi would pushing the question further, or he would dismiss Armin. He picked the third option which was to remain silent. Typical Levi. It probably seem strange to him that Armin was leaving by himself. Usually, he waited for Levi's words, but lately they would come later and later. They would hang out, talk, and even cuddle. All those kinds of things that Armin was now trying to avoid, for his own sanity.

He made his way to the door, slowly. It was an extremely bittersweet victory, one that he almost hoped he'd lose. But when he put his hand on the key to unlock the door, his heart skipped a beat.

''Wait!'' Levi exclaimed.

Armin turned around and he looked really pale, as if he just saw a titan. It only lasted for a split second but Armin was already imagining things; Levi confessing his love for him, and telling him that he wanted them to stay together for ever and that they should run away somewhere nice, right now!  
  
"You've got sperm in your hair!''

Armin gasped, almost insulted that the unrealistic and utterly fake scenario that his brain made up wasn't real.   
  
He didn't even have time to process what had been said, Levi literally grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the bathroom while grumbling: ''It's all dried up, how are we gonna get rid of that nasty shit!''

Since he didn't have a choice, Armin didn't resist. There was no use in trying to get away at this point. When they got near the shower, he watched as Levi reached for a few different bottles on the shelves. He pushed Armin a bit so that he was underneath the shower head and then went to look for a comb.

''Strip.'' he ordered.

''Oh, yeah, that's right.''

He literally forgot that he needed to do so. But as he looked around, finally realising that he was going to have to get under some water, his eyes sparkled.

''Can I have a bath?!'' he almost shouted, suddenly turning towards Levi.

''Uh, I guess so.''

For once, Armin was happy that Levi actually wanted him around, because he'd be dying for a bath for months and months, possibly for years. He rushed towards the bathtub, which looked almost like a mini pool. It was square and made out of some type of stone that Armin couldn't recognize. Half of it seemed to be buried in the ground, and it looked quite deep. Armin was quick to get rid of his clothes and got inside.

Levi quickly came over and turned one of the two taps, allowing hot water to run.

''Wait,'' Armin called, ''Can you make the water cold?''

''You have the opportunity to take a bath in the most luxurious bathtub of this whole city and you want cold water?'' he asked, raising an eyebrow.

''I don't like hot water.'' Armin shrugged.

Levi didn't say anything else, he just turned the taps in a way that more cold water was pouring than hot one. He then brought over at least a dozen of different products and fancy hairbrushes. Armin wondered if Levi was using as many products every time that he would have a bath. Everything was put on the edge of the bathtub, which was rather big. When he was sure that he had everything needed, Levi sat there as well, after pulling his trousers back on his thighs. He dipped his legs in the bathtub, looking at Armin who was joyfully playing with his hands, making little splish-splash movements.

''I love water,'' he said with a smile.

''I figured,'' Levi chuckled.

He grabbed two packets of something that Armin couldn't identify and presented them to him.

''Which one smells the best?''

Armin carefully approached his face from one of them, making sure not to wet it with his hands.

''This one,'' he said.

Levi put the other one aside and emptied the content of the packet in the bathtub. Armin looked at him with a confused look. It looked like hundreds and hundreds of pink little crystals and smelt nice.

''Bath salts,'' Levi explained, ''they're good for your skin.''

''Bath salts?'' Armin repeated, astonished, ''really? Isn't it a waste to use those on me?''

He knew about bath salts, but he had never seen any. Salt was extremely precious and hard to obtain, so those must have cost a fortune. He wasn't surprised that Levi had some, he probably had the most exotic and unfindable products on his shelves, but he'd never think he'd use it on him.

''I know,'' Levi said with a tone that was slightly ironic, ''I'm spoiling you.''

His faint smile and the way he was looking at him made Armin blush. His heart palpitated in his chest and it was no good, so he turned around and went back to splashing in the water a bit. It took a while for the bathtub to be completely full and Armin was almost glad for that because the water pouring from the taps was loud enough to make up for the fact that they weren't talking.

Eventually, however, Armin had to turn the taps off. He knew that Levi was dying to wash his hair, so he slowly moved until he was sitting in between the captain's legs. Instantly, Levi's hands went to his hair.

''It's all dried up and nasty,'' he groaned.

He pushed on Armin's shoulders so that he'd get him to wet his hair. After that, he put whatever products in it and started doing his own things. Armin wasn't really paying attention. He'd find a grain of salt that hadn't dissolved yet and was playing with it, observing it under every angle.

''It's a shame that it got in your hair,'' Levi commented as he was rubbing the hair, ''it's always so clean and silky.''

''Historia gave me tips about how to take care of it,'' Armin replied absent-mindedly.

He let his hand play around the surface of the water and slightly bent forward to tuck his chin on top of his knee. As he did so, he felt Levi's hands falling on his back and lathered his skin with foamy liquid. Well, seemed like he was getting a full cleaning.

''Do you have something to scrub the skin?'' he asked casually.

Levi handed him a wooden brush with a hand strap and thick bristles. It was a lot more sophisticated than what he'd get in the communal showers he shared with the squad. Armin brushed it over his arm, and it felt good, so he did just that for a little while, until his skin was all pink. Then he moved onto the other arm and brushed it even more energetically. He wasn't even thinking of what he was doing, he was kind of on autopilot. His head was actually more focused on the feeling of Levi's fingers working on his back.

''That brush is not made to be used like that,'' Levi ended up saying, reaching to take it out of Armin's hands, ''if you wanna scrub that hard, take this one.''

He gave him a weird looking fluffy piece of cloth that felt really soft and funny.

''It's good to exfoliate the skin,'' Levi explained, ''takes away the dead skin and stuff.''

He started rinsing Armin's hair by using a little cup of water, before putting conditioner in.

''I preferred the other one, this one's too soft. It doesn't feel like it's getting me clean.''

''Trust the professionals,'' Levi joked, ''when you'll get out of this bathroom, you'll be like a new person.''

''I wish,'' Armin said a bit too bluntly.

Levi didn't stop massaging his hair, but he could feel that there was some tension growing.

''What do you mean?'' the captain asked.

Armin knew that he shouldn't have been talking so much. He was trying to tone their relationship down, after all. But Levi was acting so casual about everything, and he was being so caring and nice that it was impossible for Armin to try and escape.

So he gave into it.

''I haven't felt clean ever since he touched me,'' he confessed.

Levi picked on without needing any further explanation.

''It has been recent, isn't it?'' he questioned.

''It's been like three months or something.''

''It'll get better with time.''

Armin bit his lips, letting go of the fluffy cloth that was floating away from him.

''You felt that way too?'' he asked shyly, wrapping his hands around his knees.

''I still do, actually. But it used to be a lot worse.''

Armin nodded a bit, not knowing what to answer. Levi was still working his magic in his hair and the water was getting colder, but it felt good.

''I don't remember how old I was,'' Levi added slowly, ''but I was still a kid.''

Armin tensed a bit. He wanted to know that story, but just this first sentence was sending bad waves through his body. He wasn't sure if he could handle the whole story, especially if it was too detailed. It was already being painful.

He turned around so that he could face Levi and let him know how he was feeling. The captain was looking upwards, as if he was trying to remember. When he realised that Armin moved, he looked down at him with a neutral face. He tucked a bit of Armin's blond hair behind his ear, almost tenderly.

''My mum was a prostitute. Her clients would pay good money for me, but she always refused. She just wasn't strong enough to keep them from doing whatever they wanted. I wasn't strong enough either.''

Armin's stomach dropped so hard that he felt like he was going to throw up. He took a deep breath and slowly turned around, trying really hard to not let any image form in his brain. Levi was really calm. He put both of his hands around Armin's head and pulled his hair back, half playing with it, half massaging it.

''I made them pay for what they've done to me,'' he said with a low voice, ''I was a gifted kid once I got myself a knife. They're all gone now, they can't hurt anybody anymore.''

Armin silently nodded and shifted uncomfortably. Water around him made a little splashy noise and he could only contemplate the waves, desperately trying to focus onto something that didn't create a feeling of pain in his chest.

''You're.... You're the strongest person I ever met,'' he slowly whispered, ''to think you've been through this as a child... I can't imagine how bad it was.'' He put one of his knees closer to his chest and continued: ''What happened to me is nothing compared to your story.''

''Don't say that,'' Levi's voice resonated in the bathroom, both firm yet gentle, ''no matter how or when that kind of things happen, it's still fucking twisted. It's not a competition.''

''But it really wasn't that bad,'' Armin raised his voice a bit, ''I don't understand why it's impacting my life at all, I haven't even been physically harmed!''

''Armin,'' Levi cut him off, slightly pulling on the bit of hair that he was holding, ''I told you, it doesn't make a difference how they do it. The consequences are the same.''

''But he...'' Armin started. He both wanted and didn't want to say it. It took a few moments for the words to finally come out of his mouth. ''He didn't... He didn't put anything inside of me.''

''What did he do?'' Levi encouraged, while mechanically massaging through Armin's hair, adding more water now and then.

''He touched me...''

''Where? Chest? Legs? Genitals?''

''Yes.''

It wasn't a yes/no question, but Armin replied as if it was. From Levi's experience, that wasn't a good sign. It either meant ''all of those'', or ''all of those and more''.

''He kept saying he wanted to hear my voice.''

''Oh,'' Levi murmured, realising what had triggered Armin's panic attack.

''He... He touched me everywhere and at some point, he...'' Armin's voice was desperately quiet at this point. ''He forced my legs opened and buried his face in my crotch.''

There was a moment of silence where none of them moved, and then Levi said with confusion: ''He did what?''

''I don't know why he did it,'' Armin quickly added, ''it's a damn miracle that he didn't realise that I was a boy. He literally bit my clothes and all. He said he was going to make me moan so loud and that he'd cum with the sound of my voice only or something.''

Levi took, his little cup again to rinse the hair, mumbling in between his teeth: ''Fucking creep.'' He didn't know how far things had exactly gone. Back then, he'd only been worried about Armin's disguise being discovered. He had no idea how close they had been from this, and what Armin had had to go through. It was a miracle that he didn't scream. It also explained why Armin was so reluctant to get oral sex.

''I think,'' Armin started with a neutral voice, his gaze lost in space as he was looking for his words, ''I think the worst part is that everybody knows,'' he said, his voice suddenly breaking down. He tried to hold the tears back and put a hand near his mouth, still not looking at anything in particular. '' _Everybody knows_ ,'' he repeated as tears streamed down his face, ''I wish it could be my secret, I wish nobody saw me like that. Just to think of Jean's eyes on me, I...''

Armin couldn't finish his sentence anymore, as he was crying too much.

He had to let go of his knees because two strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him back. Armin didn't understand what was happening straight away, but he was now crying uncontrollably. His head met with Levi's clothes, and the fabric felt soft and comforting.

''I know,'' Levi murmured near his ear, ''I know how it feels.''

Those words, as simple as they were, made Armin feel better. It didn't keep him from crying, however. He had never cried about it so far, not one single time. It felt like finally admitting the truth, finally stopping to ignore how bad things were. He cried as silently as he could, only sobbing from time to time, his head buried against Levi's body.

''I'm sorry that we didn't get there earlier,'' Levi said, ''for what it matters, I didn't feel pity for you when it was happening. I knew you'd hold on, and you did.''

''What do you mean?'' Armin asked, slowly pulling his face away.

''Do you remember what you did once I freed you from him?''

''I... Nothing. I just got up and walked away.''

''Exactly. You carried on. You didn't let that bring you down.''

Armin blinked in confusion. He was looking up at Levi's dark eyes and at this moment, he forgot about everything. He forgot who they were, where they were and how he wanted this relationship to end, because at this moment, he knew he needed Levi.

''But it's bringing me down now,'' he said in disbelief, ''it's bringing me down when we have sex. It's messing up with my head and giving me nightmares.''

''I know Armin. It's hard to live with it. But you're doing it. You're strong enough to get back on your feet after someone violated you.''

The word sent shivers down Armin's spine. 'Violated' was not a term he was ready to use for what happened, but he accepted that Levi would say it for him.

''How do you know?''

''Because you're doing it,'' Levi replied, shaking his head. ''It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to hate yourself and to feel dirty. It's okay to take a bath and to scrub your skin until it's red. You know why? Because in the end, you're alive, and you will walk away from this, just like you did before.''

As Levi spoke, Armin could hear his voice shaking a bit and deep down he knew that his words were true because Levi was talking about the both of them. They held each other tightly for a long, long time. Levi didn't seem to care if dirty water splashed on his clothes, and by the time they let go, Armin's face and hair were fairly dried.

.

.

.

''Why did you tell me your story?'' Armin asked as he was getting dressed back in his previous clothes.

It must have been the middle of the night now. Armin quickly glanced at the moon, through the window. The thin crescent would be gone in just a few nights, he didn't have much time anymore.

''It's hard to trust people, but I trust you,'' Levi replied from the other side of the room.

It sounded romantic. In fact, it was romantic. Everything about what Levi did was so romantic. Yet Armin knew that if he said or did the wrong thing, Levi would get upset. It was like a weird game where Levi was constantly ignoring the fact that he was crossing the damn line, but Armin would die if he did the same thing.

He had to end it, he knew he had to. He told himself those words for days. If he didn't end this now, he never would. He didn't want to carry on like this. Levi was good to him, so good that it felt bad. So he took a deep breath and walked towards the door. He turned around and licked his lips nervously before saying the words that were burning on his lips :

_''Levi... We're_ _done_ _.''_

Levi understood what it meant. He understood it clearly, and he did not like it. His body stiffened and he tossed away the towel that he had in his hand, walking over to Armin.

''Those are not your words to say,'' he said in a calm, yet harsh tone.

The way he spoke made Armin regret what he said, but he knew there was no way he could go back. He looked down and whispered: ''I'm sorry.''

''We're not done,'' Levi immediately replied, grabbing Armin's hand in a desperate attempt to get a different reaction from him.

''Let go of my hand,'' Armin complained, but Levi was looking at him straight in the eyes.

''You're coming back here tomorrow night.''

''No, I'm not.''

''It's an order.''

''You can't order me to do that.''

Armin had spoken with a determined tone, and it was clear that he believed in what he said. His blue eyes were certain, as he made up his mind. When Levi understood that, he suddenly changed his attitude. He let go of the hand and his face looked worried.

''Have I done something wrong?'' he asked in disbelief.

''No, it's not-...''

''Please tell me what I've done,'' he cut Armin off, ''I can make up for it, I promise, Armin!''

Levi now looked very panicked. It was a reaction that Armin should have expected. He had to think fast and pick his words carefully, which was hard because his own heart was burning with pain inside of his chest.

''I don't want to do this anymore.''

''Why?''

''You know why, I'm sure you know why.''

The both looked at each other in silence for a while, and Armin could clearly see that Levi was denying that he had feelings for him.

''It's not like that-...'' he started.

''You have to let go of me before it's too late,'' Armin cut him voice, trying to hold back his voice from breaking.

He took a step back to be closer to the door, but Levi didn't let him turn around. He put his hands on Armin's arms and said with a desperate tone: ''Don't do that, you know what I feel for you, and I know you feel the same thing for me. Please don't end this.''

''It's precisely because I feel this way for me that this needs to end,'' Armin stated, tears coming to his eyes.

''Armin don't you see it's working for us? Things are great, why would you-...''

''Working? You think things are working?!'' Armin raised his voice, angry. ''You think it's fine that I constantly have to hold myself from loving you! As if you were the only one having feelings! I'm in love with you, but I'm not letting you break my heart, Levi!''

Levi was speechless and looked like he was ready to cry at any moment. He stepped back a bit and said with the saddest, vulnerable voice ever: ''I... I don't want to... Break your heart...''

Armin shook his head.

''This just can't work,'' he stated. ''I want more than what we already have.''

''Like what?'' Levi shouted with anger. ''You think anybody can give more than I do! I literally gave you everything I had, every single thing, Armin!''

''That's not true.''

''Then what? What do you want?''

''Say you love me,'' Armin demanded. ''If you're able to be in love, then say that you love me, if that's what you really feel for me.''

''I...''

For a moment, he really believe it was possible, because Levi seemed to be determined to say those words.

''Shit...'' Levi ended up swearing, turning his head away.

He couldn't say those words. He couldn't even lie and pretend.

''I can't be with you anymore if you don't love me, Levi,'' Armin said, ''it hurts to much... To know that I'll never be more than your sex doll...''

''I care for you,'' Levi tried in a desperate attempt, as if the words were equivalent to those that Armin wanted to hear.

Armin didn't reply, he simply opened the door and left, not even caring to close it. He left Levi crying alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for what I'm writing omggg I ship them so hard and here they are deciding that they're not gonna be together anymore!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I've kinda been going through today feeling like a zombie and this ship is the only thing that make me feel good lately lol. Unless if I change my mind, next chapter should be the last one and will be posted on Friday!


End file.
